


Pipster Prompt-a-Thon I

by therune



Series: Pipster Prompt-a-Thon [3]
Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-09
Updated: 2012-07-09
Packaged: 2017-11-09 11:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 97
Words: 27,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/455007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therune/pseuds/therune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection from stories written for the first Pipster Prompt-a-Thon in 2009. <br/>These range from G to T, from gen to slash to het, from any Rogues, Flash and more.</p><p>If special warnings apply, they will be listed at the beginning of the chapters concerned</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prank Calls

"Hello, is your refridgerator running?"  
"JJ, I know it's you - we have caller ID. Stop this while I'm still in a fairly good mood."  
"Good mood equals drunk. Right, Lenny?"  
"No....it's the kind of drunk between senseless rage and amused irritation."  
"Mick, get off my telephone line!"  
"Gee, you bicker like an old married couple with at least 4 kids!"  
"We are no couple!"  
"Mick and Lenny, sitting in a tree- Ouch! Piper, what did you do that for?"  
"Ohhh, trouble in lover's paradise, JJ?"  
"That's not funny, Mick! You' re just jealous because we're on a romantic cruise for our honeymoon and all you guys do is getting drunk in front of the TV!"  
"What's bad about getting drunk and watching TV? You just have to watch the right stuff..."  
"I will not grace this with an answer. Piper, to the swimming pool!"  
"...I think he hung up, Len."  
"Huh....why are you still on the phone, Mick? Get your ass down here on the couch!"

In Keystone, Leonard Snart and Mick Rory were sitting on their old couch, watching TV and definetely not gazing out of the window to watch the sunset while tangling their hands together.

A few hundred miles away, JJ landed with a big splash in the swimming pool of the enormous cruise and drenched Piper with water while the sunlight glistened on the identical two golden rings on their fingers.


	2. Clubbing

Piper had announced that he wanted to go clubbing.  
JJ had brushed it off with a joke at first (something about baby seals), but the glare that followed told him not to ridicule this.  
Clubbing meant dancing, music - something he enjoyed and something he knew Piper enjoyed, so twice as enjoyable for him. But clubbing also meant dancing in a club, out in the open, for everyone to see.  
This was a form of commitment. It meant a lot to Piper obviously.  
Of course he was devoted to Piper...hell, he loved the guy! But...was he really ready to get out of the closet yet?  
He did have a rep to protect....oh, who was he kidding? His reputation consisted of "That clown who wears striped pants" - no loss there.

When Piper asked him the night after that if he was ready; dressed in a skintight black shirt that showed his lithe body, the rippling muscles...

 

James just grabbed his coat and opened the door, his right hand extended to Piper.  
"You coming?"


	3. Good morning, sweetheart!

"Good morning sweetheart!"  
"Go. Away. Trickster."  
JJ pouted. "Gee, why so grumpy, you old grouch?" With a smile as radiant as the sun, he leaned over the Piper-pillar and looked sightly confused.  
"It´s 9am on a sunday, James."  
...  
"Aaaaaaand what´s that supposed to mean?"  
Piper groaned. "Normal people like to sleep at that time."  
"First, by all means, normal isn´t what I´d use to describe two somewhat ex-supervillains and second, it is a glorious day, the sun is shining and when I say you get up, you get up!"  
Muffled groans were Piper´s reply as he proceeded to wrap himself in his blankets.  
He should have known what was coming for him.

*splash*

Two minutes later Piper was completely drenched with cheery sirup, and him and his new rat army chased James through the house and all the way to the Flash museum where they were stopped by a very amused Impulse.  
"Do you guys always run around in underwear that has the same pattern as your costumes?"


	4. Marshmallow

If looks could kill Trickster would be not only six feet under but also deceased, an ex-Trickster, pining for the fjords, pushing daisies and about every metaphor for dead mankind knew.  
The day had started out pretty sweet for him...literally. Nothing better than crunchy cereal, cocoa, peanut butter sandwiches and chocolate bars for breakfast. Then visiting Gambi for a pleasant chat and advice on possible modifications to his costume.  
Loading a water gun with Jell-O and firing at the Batman - unwise decison. But what was Big Bat doing in Central City anyway? It was clearly his fault and not Trickster´s ...right?

Man, even Flash threw pitiful looks in his direction.

Maybe all these stories about the shadow demon feeding on criminals´ blood were true...

Trickster managed to utter "Please don´t eat me" before a well-aimed batarang took him out.


	5. Highschool all over again

"Don't stand so close to me, Piper, I don´t want to catch the gay," said James and took demonstratingly a step to the left.

Piper didn´t even bother with a comment anymore. He had thought that resurrection might have changed the Trickster, but apparently not even death was strong enough to make James less...this.  
Two weeks ago James had re-appeared in Central City - covered from head to toe in green flame and completely silent. Nobody knew how he escaped hell and he wouldn´t tell anyone anyone.  
Piper had thought that he should, you know, visit Trickster and go through the whole awkward "So I see you´re not dead anymore...thanks for taking a bullet that was destined for me" talk, but Trickster more or less threw him out. He seemed to loathe Piper now, couldn´t stand being in the same room, cut off calls and pretended that Piper was thin air. When Piper refused to be ignored anymore, he started with the insults. Piper never knew that you could cause so much pain with so little words.

Piper had been hurt, but soon anger had won the battle of emotions. If Tricks wanted to be a jerk that badly - fine! Who needed him anyway?!

 

The court session about the murder of Bart Allen forced them to appear together in court. Piper had barely opened his mouth to speak to the jury as James started to talk. With cold accuracy and emotional detachment, FBI professionalism and a mask of seriousness he had managed to clear them of all charges. There was something in his eyes... Piper had never been afraid of Trickster before, but now... a cold shiver ran down his back and his instincts told him to run. As he attempted to confront James and leaned over to talk, James had refused and humiliated him once again. There was a new edge to his voice, a darker pitch Piper was sure no one of the others could hear. It was ...sinister and cold as the grave.

James walked out of court as he came in with sharp steps that lacked the esprit he normally had, dressed completely in black - a color James had detested before - and with an expression worse than all the creepy smiles he had ever smiled.  
What had risen out of hell was less James than some kind of ...monster.

A malicious ghost that took in your soul with one glance, broke through your defense with deadly accurate remarks, jokes that weren´t funny but hurtful and remarks that seemed to cut you in half. All your darkest secrets were obvious to him, all desires out in broad daylight and your heart was not on your sleeve anymore but in his hand and he squeezed until dark blood ran down his arm. The eyes were chips of ice - and if old sayings were true and the eyes were the reflection of the soul... maybe he had been better off dead.  
For all that Piper knew...his friend James Jesse had died in the desert. He wasn´t sure what that thing was that paraded around in James´skin...but he´d watch it. He´d observe, listen carefully. And he´d be prepared to take out whatever that thing was that hell had spewn out to this world in the shape of his former friend.


	6. Creepy

Whenever the Trickster was smiling, it was usually a bad sign for you. But when the Trickster did not smile... it was even worse.  
Behind his eyes a fire raged, eating away bits and pieces of James´soul. Well...what was left of it, anyway.  
After he had died - no tunnel of light, no relatives guiding your way, not even Hell. There was nothing until he heard two voices. He knew one of these; sweet honey covered a blade of ice and acid; this voice made promises, let you soar, made your dreams reality - and all it wanted was your soul. Neron - prince of lies, master of Hell. The devil.  
The other voice....James couldn´t even tell if it was a woman or man. He heard soft comfort, tranquility and neverending regret.  
With the voices came twilight and he saw silhouettes shrouded in mist. The sharp angles of Neron, his pointy cape, the ears - the other one was ....round, soft, flowing, floating. It was so bright!  
The silhouette turned around to him and there were tears in its eyes.  
"I´m so sorry, my child".  
Then he fell, fell through fire and shadows, fell through ice and pain and when he stopped he saw the too familiar stone formations and a throne.  
"Apparently I´m not the only one who can´t resist a good deal," Neron stated. He was sitting on the throne and watched James with a bemused expression.  
"And to think, after all these years of being a hero, one of the good guys. You didn´t curse, you didn´t drink, you became a cop, prepared to take your old friends down - in the end you did everything right and still...you ended up back here. And do you know why?" He didn´t even wait for an answer. "Because I made a deal. I wanted your soul. And I got it. You´re mine now, James. You cost me a fortune, my Trickster, but it was worth every soul I paid."  
James stood there, feeling...nothing. He didn´t feel anything. No pain, fury, sorrow...there was nothing left.  
"I almost didn´t believe that my deal would be accepted, but with the right price, you can get anything. I traded 100 souls for you - all good people who ended up here because they made a deal. A mother who sold me her soul to get her kid on the waiting list for a new heart, a husband who sold his soul to the devil and got a cure for his wife´s terminal sickness... all these poor souls ended up here. And now ...I got you."

Neron laughed. "Your own god traded your innocent, eternal soul without your consent. You have been sold. Used. Betrayed."  
He was so close, whispering his sweet lies into James´ear, but ....those weren´t lies. No lie could be more painful than the truth now.  
"You gave up your life´s calling. You gave up the tricks, the laughter, the thrill, the hunt-" "the game, the dance. I gave up myself, because I didn´t want to end up here. I did nothing wrong! I died a hero´s death."  
"And where did it bring you?"  
"Hell! I ended up in hell! I sacrificed my life and-"  
"Your reward is eternal damnation."  
"I´ve been betrayed!"  
"Abandoned"  
"Abandoned!"  
"Left alone"  
"Left alone!"

Neron´s words trickled into James´ears, poisoning his sanity, his mind, his heart.  
"Damn the god who sold you, damn the friends who abandoned you...damn them all! Why should you be the only one suffering? It´s not your fault....it´s them! They did it, with their warped view of justice, their rules, their laws that benefit themselves... they did that to you."  
"They did that to me!"  
"It´s their fault"  
"It´s their fault!"  
"Get revenge"  
"Get REVENGE! They will pay for what they did to me!"  
The devilish laugh sounded again, shook him to the core, rang in his ears until he realied that he was the one who was laughing.

Flames green like poison ate at his heart, his soul and tore it apart.  
A whirlwind of fire and shadows and he was back. Back to life. Back in his hometown.  
He remained silent, plotting their demise.  
He wasn´t strong enough to take them all on, not yet.  
But the Trickster always had a few aces up his sleeve...  
"Revenge shall be mine," James thought, "now it´s my turn!"  
Black blood coursed through his veins, green flames raged behind his eyes and in hell Neron laughed.

Tricksters were the world´s keepers of balance.  
And the scales had just shifted in his favor.


	7. Pirates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is, I think, the first appearance of Digger the Deadly, aka Digger as a pirate. He crops up surprisingly often.

"Arr, my mateys! We shall plunder and rob! The town is ours for the taking!" hollered Digger the Deadly. The Shirley had finally reached Port Nassau and his men were tired of the long journey. They itched for excitement, for fights, for ladies - in short, a proper plundering was in order.  
"Aye!" his men agreed. Their blacksmith Mick had repaired any damage to their rapiers, all guns were properly working and loaded - what could stop them?  
"Captain! Captain!"  
"Arr, what´s the matter, mast monkey?"  
The blond man hanging upside down from their sail scowled. "The British army, captain! Commander Allen is already here! The Justice is in the harbor!"  
Digger the Deadly spat ut in disgust. Those damn redcoats were a pest....but nothing better than a pack of pirates to take care of them; both Allen and his annoying lieutenant West.  
"Guys - do what we do best! Mick, arm the cannons! Al, fetch the gunpowder. This city will see a firework like never before!"  
"Aye!"


	8. Creepy II

Wally stood in the hallway of the courthouse, half-hidden in shadows. Subtlety wasn´t exactly his strength, but desperate times called for desperate measures.  
Piper had confessed that he was worried about Jesse. At first he had shrugged it off - Piper was known for being a drama queen, after all. But Wally had wondered... why didn´t he smile? Why didn´t he dress in his insanely bright pants anymore? Why...what had changed him? Death was the obvious answer, but something was off, Wally could feel it. There was a slight discomfort everytime he saw Jesse, a chill traveling down his spine. He had felt a thing like that before....but when? He had witnessed so many dangers, monsters, demons....demons. Hell. Neron.

Of course! He himself had had a deal with Neron before and as Piper told him, Neron had a huge interest in Jesse. And when the devil is interested in you... that is a bad sign. Death, hell, sinister change... it all made sense!  
He remembered the last time Rogues had returned from Hell - red, soulless eyes, indestructible bodies, no feelings, no regret, no remorse.  
But when they had used blunt violence and destruction... Jesse was different. Jesse worked with his brain, not brawn. Not strength, shrewdness. Jesse operated on a different level.  
And that scared Wally.


	9. Dungeons and Dragons

They limped out of the portal more than they walked. Their clothes were singed, they both stank and James promised to himself that he´d pass out the second his head met a matress. He may be a (charming) thief, a cunning conman and sometimes a jester, but since when had he signed up for the hero job?  
Oh yeah, when he met the Piper.  
So, it may has been his fault as he ran away from the royal guards and while hiding saw the Piper work his magic. Or rather, not seeing - as Piper disappeared.  
Then he had started to follow the Piper around, got into a few shenanigans with him (or rather, getting in shenanigans and then dragging Piper into them) and in the end decided to stick around.  
It felt good to help others for a change.  
But why did their heroic deeds always have to include dungeons full of icky mummies, spiders or as in this case....a dragon?


	10. Sherwood Forest

Once upon a time, there was a king named Barry of the Allens. He ruled over an island called Keystone. One day, he heard that the Holy Land, the Speedforce, was in danger, so he went on a crusade in order to protect it. As he left, his greedy nephew usurped the throne. Violence and injustice swept the country and the people were helpless, except for one brave man and his companions; those were Leonard Hood and his merry men; Little Mick, Sam Scarlet, Brother Mark, James Stutely and Piper a Dale (and the drunkard Digger whom they refused to mention ever in any chronicle and hoped no one would remember his and his escapades).  
Leonard Hood and his merry men robbed from the rich and gave to the poor and of course they defined themselves as poor since they lived not in a castle but in the Sherwood Forest, hidden by trees and guarded by wild animals (or rather, hidden on the trees from the wild animals).  
Leonard Hood has mastered the skill of archery perfectly, Little Mick was as strong as five men, Sam was gifted with the sword, Mark supplied them with ale, Piper entertained with beautiful songs and James was a charming fellow who swindled and lied and picked pockets faster than everybody else; so perfectly that he stole the rings of Prince Wally without the prince noticing.  
(Drunkard Digger hunted in the woods; after he strangled a boar once no one ever dared to accompany him again when he set out to "get meat".)  
They fought often with the sheriff´s men and never lost (except that one time and that totally was an accident, would never happen again, they were in bad shape and had colds anyway and would of course had won normally)  
Life was filled with ale, heists, money and beautiful women and they lived happily ever after.  
King Barry returned and James conned him to believe the story of vailant, rogu-ish Leonard Hood, threw his nephew into the dungeon and knighted them all (except for Drunkard Digger who had pissed off the local witch and got turned into a newt).

 

The End

James grinned like a loon as his "James Jesse Puppet Pals and Friends" show had ended.  
Three seconds afterwards he ran cackling away from an outraged Wally West who should have known that the Trickster wasn´t the best entertainment for his children´s birthday party.


	11. Anniversary

Hartley liked to give gifts to his friends. All of his gifts were tasteful, useful and/or sweet. He thought carefully about what he should give unlike some persons who forgot anniversaries (Wally), robbed the nearest store and gave the nicest thing in it to their loved ones (Len) or claimed that their mere presence was gift enough for mankind (Mark and Digger).

He looked at his newly bought calendar ( a rare gift to himself)and began to write all the important dates in. Birthdays of friends and family members, the various anniversaries of his friends (Wally´s and Linda´s and a special notice two weeks before to remind Wally; Lisa´s and Roscoe´s fairytale wedding at wich Len did so not cry despite what visual evidence said ...if James wanted to keep his teeth), the day Digger came back to life and started life over as an opera singer in Sidney; the day Sam crawled out of a mirror, yawned and asked what he missed; and of course the day James had arrived on his doorstep, clad in a smoldering blue cape and had made a joke about being "hobosexual" with Hartley.

Then there were the James-centric anniversaries which they both celebrated:  
the day they first met (during a heist),  
the first time Hartley realized he had a crush on James,  
the time they landed in jail together for the first time,  
the day they broke out of jail together for the first time,  
James´birthday,  
Harley´s birthday,  
Valentine´s Day (no matter how hard Hartley protested that this was just a commercial excuse for spending on money on superfluos gifts and chocolate),  
the day James began questioning his sexuality after Hartley walked around in swimming trunks in their headquarters,  
the day Hartley reformed,  
the day James reformed,  
the days James went to hell,  
the days James got out of hell,  
the day Hartley asked James to live forever by his side,  
the day James had intended to ask Hartley the exact same thing,  
the day they moved together...

at this rate they´d be celebrating every day of every year in the future.  
That wasn´t necessarily a bad thing, Hartley decided.


	12. Nobody tricks the Trickster!

"Nobody tricks the Trickster!!!!"  
"But I am the Trickster!"  
"No, you´re not, I am the Trickster!"

Piper began massaging his temples. Pursuing Mirror Master into one of the mirror verses had been an incredibly stupid idea. Taking James with him just made it worse.

With a sleepwalker´s precision James had run into his counterpart and now they had been yelling at each other for the last half an hour; the hour before that they had fought until they realized that they were evenly matched and had run out of rubber chicken.

Next to him his counterpart, a lovely woman with red hair in a green dress, looked amused at the scene.  
"You´d think that they got tired of this phrase 60 minutes ago, but apparently they love saying their own names way too much, wouldn´t you agree?"

She thought this was amusing! He had come here to catch Mirror Master, get revenge and now he had a seat in the first row for the "Trickster vs Trickster" duel no one of them would win.

"But if you thought I was tricking you, you should have anticipated, that I knew that you know that I knew that you were tricking me, so your trick wouldn´t work unless you thought that I anticipated that you knew I was anticipating that you knew that I knew you were tricking me"  
"But no one tricks the Trickster!"  
"But a Trickster can trick anybody!"  
"Even himself? Tricksters can´t be tricked!"  
"But their trickery knows no bounds - they could!"  
"Everyone except another Trickster!"  
"I disagree!"  
"You tried to trick me!"  
"Duh!"  
"Have at thee!"

20 minutes later Piper and Piperella were sitting in a cafe, sipping cocoa and comparing flute designs.

"What you´re saying makes no sense!"  
"You don´t either!"  
"I am the Trickster, I make perfect sense!"  
"Not to a Trickster!"  
"Stop trying to trick me!"  
"You are trying to trick me!"  
"Am not!"  
"Am too!"  
"Am not!"


	13. Merry-go-Round

"James! This is so undignified! Put me down!" Piper yelled and proceeded to pound James´back with his fists. If he really tried he could get free, but since that would result in a drop of several hundred feet and a big, ugly *splat*.....  
Piper officially hated Valentine´s day. Before, it was an unpleasant day full of pink chocolate-covered roses and cards and cliché stuff, exploting of the workforce and naive lovey-dovey couples with shallow-  
"Whoa!"  
"We have arrived, your majesty!"  
"I wasn´t aware that monarchs were usually slung over the back of a jester and kidnapped to some....fair. Seriously, where are we?"  
"This isn´t just a fair - this is the bestest, biggest, most awesome fair in the whole world! And we´re going to spend the whole day here! Isn´t that great?", he beamed at him.  
Piper wasn´t really a fan of fairs (so ok, he hadn´t been to that many fairs actually) but spending time in bumper cars or getting sticky cotton candy on your clothes...but as he saw James´smile, he decided that one day at the fair couldn´t hurt. It meant a lot to James, obviously.

As he suspected, there was cotton candy.  
And bumper cars. He might had a slight concussion now, but...it wasn´t that horrible.  
Ball-toss at the cans to win stuffed animals was kinda fun, especially when he won the biggest stuffed rabbit he had ever seen.  
And then, the merry-go-round. It was small, childish, painted with too bright colors, gaudy and just perfect. Sitting on a blue horse, holding hands with James who throned on an elephant was a moment he was going to treasure forever - with or without the cotton candy in his hair.


	14. Gelato

"Tsch-eeee-lay-do"  
"Dschehlahto"  
"Tschelaaaaydo"  
"Dschehlahto"  
"Dscheeeelatoooo?"  
"Seriously, how can one language butcher words like that? Are you sure that´s not against the Geneva Conventions?"  
"Shut up, I´m just trying to order something to drink."  
"... Piper, let me do the talking."  
"Next holiday we´re going to some normal country....like Canada."  
"Meh."


	15. Third Wheel

Just why did he always agree to be JJ´s wingman? It ended up the same way every damn time: he was bored, hungry and too sober to enjoy himself a bit(designated driver). Stupid JJ, stupid dates, stupid... why did he need a wingman anyway? JJ was an adult, capable of dealing with normal and abnormal stuff himself and he certainly didn´t need any help with women.  
Piper felt like the third wheel - unnecessary. He sighed and looked at his watch. God, it had only been 1 hour!

...just why couldn´t he ever say, "No", when JJ asked?

 

Because he was in love with that jerk. And he would never tell him. At least he could spend a little amount of time with JJ...even if it was in a stupid restaurant with no alcohol and the pain of seeing JJ with a woman and being so damn oblivious...

He hated himself right now.


	16. Candy-gram

The doorbell rang. Piper peaked through the spyhole and saw a UPS guy. He opened the door, feeling slightly curious and wary because he didn´t order anything and he didn´t have friends that would send him packages. Friends that would fight superheros, rob museums, steal, invade his home, made a complete mess out of his kitchen...but not send him anything. Except that oh-so-funny holiday card from JJ saying "Ha-ha-hawaii - I´m here, you´re not, sucker!".  
"Good morning, sir. Would you sign this please?" the UPS guy asked, waiting for Piper to sign the form. Piper scribbled his current alias "Harry P. Repíp" and took the package. It was bright pink, quite light and ... it smelled of cinnamon?  
He tore it open and it was a candy gram. All his favorite candy...and a card saying "Switzerland - world capitol of chocolate. Felt like sharing. JJ.  
PS: Be honest, do the stripes make me look fat?"


	17. Bingo

The Rogues were tied up and awaited to be transported to the police station. Their last heist to steal the world´s largest sapphire (why did museums have to put these things always in the hometowns of known supervillains who would of course try to steal them? Batman once claimed "insurance" as a reason. It was cynic, but.... damn, why did he always have to be right?)  
The JLA had assisted the Flash for this robbery and currently Guy Gardner was checking the "list of attendancy".  
"1, Captain Cold - out cold.....ha, I´m so funny."

"2, Weather Wizard - yeeeep, safe and accounted for."

"3, Rainbow Raider....man, some people shoulldn´t be allowed to dress themselves."

"4, Mirror Master...geez, do all of you guys have to pick names that ..uh, start with the same letter?"

"You mean alliteration, dumbass."  
"Didn´t ask for you opinion, icy."

"5, Heat Wave - checked."

"6, Pied Piper - safe and sound. Yeah, I´m so good!"

"7 -"  
"Bingo!"

"What the-"

Guy Gardner was hit by a pie full of super glue in the face and learned a very important lesson this day: never underestimate the Trickster...especially when he smiles like that.


	18. Favor Bank

There was no law in this world. No justice. No rules, except "The strongest is always right". Dark, miserable, wretched, evil...

"That´s two favors you owe us now; may you be blessed with long life and prosperity. We will turn to you when we shall need your assistance." said Leonardo, highpriest of their little, but growing order. Their church offered support to those who needed it, offeed guidance and help...in exchange of little favors.  
The pious citizen retreated bowing on his way out. As soon as he was out, Michael locked the door and went over to Leonardo.  
"Is that the last of these miserable creatures for today, brother?"  
"It was, my brother. Our duty for today has been fulfilled."  
They smiled a smile devoid of any happiness, devoid of joy and any positive emotion. Two vultures ogling a dying animal couldn´t look any more evil.  
A small hum sounded. "It seems that our herald has arrived, brother."  
A man clad in wide, bright robes strode in, oozing slimy confidence from every pore. "Done with those dirt for today? Playing all day long ain´t easy, pal - and without my music, no trusty followers, none of these dumbasses in your damn church, Saint Leo."  
The herald was a rat among pretenders.  
"Hihihiiiiiiiii"  
"Brother Giovanni?"  
He appeared out of nowhere, surrounded by green flame, giggling to himself. His face was sickingly white, fatures distorted into a painful grimace that had been a smile long ago. "Hihihihiiiii....more followers for Master? More food for Master?"  
"Yes, brother."  
"Wonderfuuuuuuul!" Giovanni exclaimed happily, did a backflip and walked on air, arms spread like the messiah. "All hail the Mighty, the Powerful, the One, the Master!"  
A chuckle from Hell sounded, sending shivers of pleasure down their spines.

On the next day, the herald played again, luring the people into the clutches of their little church, one after another.  
Brother Michael lended his helping hand to those on the street.  
Brother Leonardo offered wisdom and advice.  
Their church grew, their influcence spread throughout the city.

And down in hell, Neron´s favorite pet curled up in front of the feet of his master. "Hihihihi"


	19. Patty Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Death

Axel Walker bounced happily through the streets, accidentally bumping into people and stealing their wallets, chewing gum and headphones on highst volume possible.  
It was good to be the Trickster, now that the old man had kicked the bucket. Seriously, he knew that the oldtimer had been out-dated, slow and become a fucking fed, but dying chained to a fag wasn´t something he wished for anyone.  
Now he was the only one left - no old man nagging him, place among the Rogues established, no damn Libra - life was good!

He was on his way to pick up the custom made gun - after all, a Trickster with an electrifying yoyo was only threatening for a small amount of time. He needed to step it up if he wanted respect. Already he had a bunch of "admirers", loyal followers who would happily join the Joker if not for his reputation to randomly kill henchmen; Axel didn´t kill henchmen...he abused, framed, abandoned them, but not kill them. The color red wasn´t something he wanted to see on the yellow blue of his costume.

He was perfectly oblivious to the man standing a few feet in front of him. Something about that man was off. People didn´t notice him. He stood perfectly still. And... he didn´t have a shadow. Axel only saw a silhouette and was going to bump into that man as the man spoke. "Hello....pretender." Axel looked up, mouth opened for curse and insult when he fell dead silent. In front of him was James Jesse: pale as a ghost, clad in black, hair an odd shade of blond white and the eyes....the eyes! The eyes of a dead man, mixed with malevolence and sadistic pleasure. "I´ve been wanting to meet you," he said. Even his voice...it clearly belonged to Jesse, but there was something in it, beyond it that made Axel wanna run and or pee his pants. Jesse radiated...cold. Not winter cold, not cold like from the Captain´s gun...it was deeper, more threatening. All the other people walked by, they didn´t notice them.  
"Wha..what´s going on?! You´re...you´re dead!" A chuckle that made his heart cringe. "That is correct. I´ve come to fulfill a promise I made." Axel wanted to run, but his feet wouldn´t move, he was paralyzed. He screamed for help, but the people walked by, just distant shadows, like behind wet glass. "Help me!" he croaked, but all he got in response was Jesse´s unearthly chuckle. The Trickster never chuckled....laughed, smiled, smirked, grinned - yes, but not that sound that made his blood run cold.  
"No one can hear you... no one can see you," Jesse remarked calmly. Axel´s vision was beginning to fail, everything became darker, the shadows larger... he screamed but to no avail.

"It´s no use" Jesse said and smirked. Axel wished he wouldn´t have - he was facing his worst nightmare. Jesse raised a gloved hand, black and cold. "Remember what I told you would happen if I ever caught you wearing that costume again?"  
His eyes seemed to glow, a sickly greenish white. His hands became blood red - on his forehead, a burning green symbol, a pentagram. Jesse spoke again and it sounded like two voices were speaking in unison - both devoid of mercy; one high and cheery, one threatening and like dead. "We´ll play patty-cake." Jesse raised his hands, they dripped with blood, Axel screamed and tried to run but couldn´t move. Jesse´s hands came forward in a playful manner, reached through Axel´s chest and there was pain, unbearing pain. Axel wheezed, gasped and fell to the ground.  
His vision was returning, he could hear people talking, the busy buzzing of the city. Above him towered the abomination that had once been James Jesse. He held a black, slimy thing in his hand. "Black like I thought." The thing....pounded, it moved in a familiar arrhytmic motion. "Worthless, just as you," Jesse said and squeezed. He crushed the heart in his hand.

The people on the streets saw nothing more than a boy suddenly collapsing, blood coming out from his mouth, nose, ears and eyes.  
Axel Walker died of a sudden heart attack.


	20. Death awaits you all! With nasty, long, pointy teeth!

"There he is!" yelled Al the Sorcerer.  
"Where?"asked King Leonard.

He and his brave knights were on their holy quest to retrieve the Holy Grail and if now a monster was standing in their way, so be it! He´d just have Lancemark chop it up...or send Sir Roboomer as a distraction.  
The cave was skull shaped, creepy and the groundwas littered with bones; some fresh, some old and bleached from the sun. Alas, a ghastly beast was sure to await them here!  
"There!" said Al and pointed towards the fluffy white rabbit who had just hopped out of the cave. King Leonard had to admit that it was a rather cute and fluffy looking rabbit.  
"What? Behind the bunn...I mean rabbit?"  
"It *is* the rabbit!" exclaimed Al.

....unobedient peasants, three headed knights, witch trials, no camelot, dirty insulting Frenchmen and now a mad sorcerer.

"Mick, off with his head!" he ordered. *chop*

"That´s it, we´re going home. Screw the grail and screw that fucking rabbit! I´m going to Camelot and drink until next winter. Who´s with me?"  
There was brief mumbling and sounds of agreement.  
"But our most sacred request to return the Holy Grail-" began brother Roynard.  
"Fuck it! You want it, go get it yourself!" snapped Leonard.  
"Saddle up men!" *coconut clapping*  
"To Camelot!"


	21. Working for the Weekend

"James, I´m working," said Piper annoyedly. "Go bother Len or someone else, please."

James briefly interrupted his rendition of "2000 bottles of beer on the wall".  
"But I don´t want to! You´re more fun than your grumpiness."  
"James, I swear to god, if you don´t get out of here in the next 10 seconds I´ll - don´t touch that!"

Piper sighed. He was just trying to work. He was working on a new stethoscope prototype that would work better than "Put that down!"  
He was trying to do good - normally he would have done more progress, but Wally had needed his assistance for a case of his and "James!"

"I´m booooored, entertain me!" whined James, "you hardly ever spent time with me!"  
"Because I´m trying to work and help my friends while all you have been doing last month was trying to improve your recipe for green goo."  
"But it´s now 20% slimier," whined James.  
Puppy eyes shouldn´t look so good on a man in his 20s.  
"What does this one do?" asked James. "This is a sonic amplifier, designed to..." Piper went on and explained what he was doing, answered every question James had and actually got a lot of work done. He was nearly finished when he noticed that James had fallen asleep while still sitting on thin air, head resting comfortably on Piper´s shoulder.

"He...he just wanted attention, I guess" thought Piper. To be honest, he had been neglecting his friend in the last couple of weeks. He had never had a friend who depended on social attention like a lovesick puppy before and whenever James needed something he usually just came and took it....huh. It was kinda cute, Piper decided.


	22. Burn

"Burn her!" screamed the crowd. Faces distorted into grimaces of irrational hate and malevolence screaming out in every voice.  
"Burn the witch, burn her!"  
Piper sighed. He hated that stupid fairytale world, but the last time he had been - according to Wally - a mindless, evil marionette. Now he had his free will, but was tied to a rather large bonfire and about to be incinerated.  
"The red hair!" screeched a woman, sounding like a harpy. "Red hair, red hair" the crowd whispered. "The green eyes!" yelled a man. "Green eyes" chanted the chorus of the crowd.  
"They´re blue, those are just glasses!"  
"Bah, devilswork! She´s admitting it!"  
"I´m a man!"  
"She changed her gender and turned into a man! Burn the witch!"

The priest, clad in black robes which should project solemnity, but did look like death´s, neared the bonfire with a burning torch.  
"Spawn of evil, confess your sins and at least enter hell with a cleaner soul! Do you confess to have performed evil acts of witchcraft, to be a filthy concubine of Satan and to have cursed this poor village? Do you confess?! God compels you, sinful creature?"

That was his end? Burned alive... because of red hair and glasses? If he was ever getting out of that, he would go straight to Gambi´s and only wear white for the rest of his days....and dye his hair blond, or something.  
Powerless without his flute, tied...what could he do?

"She cursed my crops!"  
"She made my cows give black milk!"  
"She made my child ill!"  
"She turned me into a newt!"

Wait, what? A split second later and a black cloak fluttered to the ground, revealing a bright yellow-blue striped costume and a dazzling smile. James cackled madly as he cut Piper´s robes and carried him through the air away from the village who screamed in terror at the "devil" who had come to save his filthy concubine.

"Thank you, James - that was ...thank you." Piper whispered and clutched James´shoulders more tightly.  
"A witch, huh? Somehow you have rotten luck, Piper, I was being worshipped as the new messiah, because I walked on water. What did you do?"  
"...I was being mistaken for Poison Ivy."


	23. Slow Ride

"Are you sure that this....thing doesn´t go any faster?"  
"That thing is an elephant and no, that´s top speed."

When they had stumbled into this Indiana Jones-esque adventure, Piper would have never guessed that he´d play the role of Willie Scott.


	24. Out to Lunch

He couldn´t cook. James knew this and was content. He was a man, dammit, why should he be able to cook? He´d just order pizza and be fine with it. He could swindle three different fast food delivery services per week, there was no need to cook. His favorite food was cereal from a big bowl on saturday mornings anyway.  
Then he met Piper.  
Then he dated Piper.  
And suddenly, he got tired with eating out, with ordering take out, with ordering food and then pretend to have made it himself.  
His apartment burned down the next day after he tried to make coffee.

Piper took him out to lunch. They were helpless with cooking and baking and they fit together perfectly.


	25. Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quote from American McGee's Alice in Wonderland

What´s wrong, Piper?  
My parents....are gone.  
What else is wrong, Piper?  
Something is ...broken.  
What is broken, Piper?  
I am.

The room was white, but not padded. No need for with an almost catatonic man.  
They supposed that the Pied Piper had just snapped. With a history of at least one serious nervous breakdown and a genetic disposition for mental problems, a life as a supervillain and later superhero hadn´t been the ideal choice. The stress, the exhaustion, crises, pain, pressure from all sides.... not exactly a set of ideal circumstances.

And then... his parents were murdered. Bad.  
He was framed. Worse.  
He was manipulated and hypnotized into believing that he actually killed his own parents. The Spectre took a piece of his fragmented memory. The Rogues War happened the the Top manipulated him. His friends vanished. He re-joined the Rogues, the most dysfunctional "family" and band of supervillains to be found in Keystone. Bart Allen was killed and he was framed. He ran, together with the Trickster. The Trickster was murdered and the evidence said that the Piper dragged his corpse through a scorching desert.  
No wonder he was in his current state.

They had transferred him to Belle Reve albeit under minimum security after a stay in the Arkham Asylum in Gotham.

Some days were better than others, some days were worse than others.

On some days he´d whistle for a bit, hum a melody and asked for an instrument which he was, of course, denied. Giving a mentally unstable patient a muscial instrument wasn´t exactly a wise choice; giving a mentally unstable patient who had been a supervillain and called himself the "Pied Piper" was suicide.  
On the worse days he´d just lie there, looking at some point in the distance only he could see, clutching that old puppet close. That ragged, colorful puppet was the only thing of his personal effects that he had been allowed to keep. After all, a doll made from striped clothing couldn´t do any harm and it calmed him down.

The doctors made their daily visits; sometimes he talked, sometimes he didn´t. He had seemed to take a liking to Dr Lidell, but they didn´t realize that he merely had a positive reaction to his blue-yellow striped tie.

Sometimes, he dreamed. He dreamed of glass shattering, shards of a mirror and pools of blood. He dreamed of a world without sound, without mercy. He dreamed of a red sky and a black ground, of unearthly machines and screams in the air. He dreamed of treachery, betrayal and blood on his hands. He dreamed of a bird with yellow and blue feathers. Then there was this song, this beautiful melody of the stars, a swan song for a loved one... and then he woke up in the darkness, alone....afraid.

It was in the middle of the night when he woke up. In the distance he heard the bell toll, a sound so serene and loud as if they were ringing in his own head.  
"Why didn´t you save us?" asked his parents. Bart. James. "You killed us! Without you, we´d all still be alive. It´s your fault. It´s your fault!"  
"Be quiet," he whispered, "leave me alone..."  
He subconsciously tugged the puppet closer.

It turned his head and looked at him.  
"Save us, Piper!" it begged with James´voice.


	26. We're gonna die! I'm gonna throw up! And then we're gonna DIE!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The return of Digger the Deadly...now a space pirate!

"We´re gonna die!" screamed Piper.  
A spaceship was clearly no place for Rogues, not even when it belonged to Digger the Deadly, space pirate.  
"Oy, this is nothing, I tell ya. Just re-entry into the atmosphere - oy, watch that levers!"  
They had to be the worst space crew ever. Digger (the Deadly) stood at the wheel (really, why would a spaceship need a wheel that could rival that from the Titanic?), clung to it for dear life, Piper tried not to be flattened against the wall of the cockpit and failed miserably and Mick stood at the screen, admiring the cascade of flames.  
In the med bay, Dr Harkness (Digger´s wife and how odd sounded this?) treated Len and Sam who were wounded on planet Zebulon. Rosoce and Lisa were there as well, blissfully oblivious to anything in the universe except them and their baby.

"I´m gonna throw up," blurted Piper. Damn those G forces!  
"I don´t think it´s too bad," remarked James. Well, for a man with gravity defying shoes that was an easy thing to say - he stood in the room on thin air, peacefully undisturbed by anything going on.

"This might get a bit bumpy," admitted Digger.  
The spaceship nearly screamed, the hull ignited, shields losing energy...

"We´re gonna DIE!!!"

And then it was over. The ship landed safely outside of New Keystone.  
"We made it," exclaimed Piper.  
"Ha, was there ever any doubt about it?" asked Digger boastfully.  
"Digger-" "That´s the Digger the Deadly to you!"  
"....you´re an idiot! We could all have died!"

"Give the poor man a break, Piper, I think that Captain George Harkness brought us home safely. Thank you, Captain, on behalf of myself and my companion."  
"Aye, always glad to be helping out a friend in need, even when he´s from another dimension." Digger beamed.


	27. Casino Royale

James threw one last look into the mirror. Sharp, black tuxedo, hair slicked back, blue tie - he was dressed to kill.  
He entered the VIP lounge with a dazzling smile on his face.  
Federal agent Jesse going undercover for what could be his biggest case ever - the murders at Casino Royale, all connected to the secret poker round.  
Conning his way inside had been difficult, even for him.

It wasn´t easy being a criminal turned governement agent going undercover, disguised as a criminal. Too familiar, too tempting...

A man bumped into him, apologized and walked on. James plucked the tiny piece of technology the man had planted on him from his suit. He was definetely on the right trail here....and soon, he´d find out that the man who had "accidentally" bumped into him was the scion of the Rathaway family. Red hair, blue slightly mischievous eyes and a smirk to die for.

Well, that could prove to be interesting....


	28. Made a deal not to feel

When you want a deal, who do you go to?  
What if it is a dark deal, horrible, a deal you can´t speak of, you´re not allowed to tell...  
What ....if the deal has already been made?  
What if....in your darkest hour, full of despair, turmoil and bloodied memories, you make a deal?  
You don´t want to feel anything anymore: you want to end the suffering, the pain... but you´re too much or too less of a coward to commit suicide.

In the green flames, you make a deal: you won´t feel anything anymore (no more pain) but you have to give up your heart in return.  
It´s only fair, Piper supposes and agrees.

Months later, on a train, with James´ dead body in his arms, he truly understands now what Neron had meant with his "heart".


	29. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

It was a peaceful day at Keystone Bank. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, birds were singing, flowers blossomed and the Rogues had decided to rob the bank.

That was, the Rogues minus Len. Their fearless leader had gone to a special supersecret mission. They all knew that he was goint to his sister in her ice skating show, but pretended not to know. It was too cute!

But their problem was that without him they didn´t exactly know what to do. Len was in charge, Len made plans, Len barged in and took the loot.

"This is a robbery! Hands in the air and no one gets hurt."  
"The Rogues are here! Our main weapons are fear, surprise...and fear!"

"Sam, you sad fear twice."  
"I did? ...damn. Okay, let´s do this again and this time properly."

The Rogues left the bank, cleared their throats and barged in again. The clerks and customers not running away as quickly as possible stared at the Rogues in shock and disbelief.  
"Fear, surprise...three weapons are surprise, fear and...dammit! Boys, next try!"


	30. Have a heart, tinman!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Who!

"Oh, come on, have a heart, tinman!"  
"Information incorrect, we are the Cybermen. DELETE!"

As they were being led away from the metallic monsters to their master, James looked at the Flash. "I am so blaming this on you and your stupid treadmill. And on you-" he added, looking at the man in the trenchcoat, "a time-travelling police box, really... and people think I´m the crazy one."  
"DELETE!"  
"Oh, shut up!"


	31. Tea Party

"WoUlD YOu LikE MOrE tEA?" Jervis Tetch asked, holding out politely a steaming cup of tea, mania glinting in his eyes.  
"No, thanks," Piper replied. He still couldn´t believe how he had gotten into this mess; kidnapped by Gotham´s Mad Hatter and taken to his tea party.  
At least he had good company.  
Green Arrow, Robin and Booster Gold were tied to the chairs next to him.

Green Arrow had been gagged after a ten minute rant and cursing storm and tried to stab the Mad Hatter with his stare. Needless to say, it didn´t work.  
Robin was working on his ropes while the blond man from the future gazed around.  
"Where the hell are we anyway? Last time that happened T-Beetle mentioned something about not-Kansas....is that the same place? The state of not-Kansas?"  
How could a 6 feet tall man with hair to die for be so....puppy-like and cute. there, he thought it; he blamed the drugs that had been slipped into his coffee he had bought at the airport. He hadn´t visited Gotham in over 10 years and now he remembered the reason why he had stayed away all those years.

"My paws and whiskers!" said a voice, feminine, like satin and unbelievingly seductive. The Mad Hatter looked alarmed to his left where the voice had come from. Then he was knocked out by a man wielding a giant mallet coming from his right.  
He was dressed in glaringly bright pants and....."The Trickster!" growled Booster Gold, "when I get my hands on you-"

Piper discovered that his ropes had been cut by "Catwoman!" exclaimed Robin.  
"Meow," she purred, "what a fine mess you have managed to get into..."

Soon they were all freed and Trickster had dodged a tackle from an enraged Booster Gold who had yelled something about an anvil. The man from the future appeared stranger and stranger to Piper.  
"Trickster, Catwoman, you are under arrest!" yelled Booster, only to be dusted with some powder and began to sneeze uncontrollably. Green Arrow was taken out by a punch that showed strength and incredible grace at the same time.  
And Robin coincidentally tripped over Piper´s outstretched foot.

James and Selina winked at him. James carried Selina through the air to safety, Piper acted like a hysterical victim to buy them time and sneaked away when no one was looking.

James and Selina said goodbye with a kiss to the cheek and a hug.  
Then James walked through the air to pick Piper up, the diamond he stole from her safely stashed into his belt while she leapt over the rooftops, clutching his wallet.


	32. Hourglass

James eyes the hourglass wearily.  
One grain of sand, two grains of sand, three grains of sand...  
The afterworld had lousy management. He´d been here for 27855 grains of sand until a booming voice had told that he had died (he had figured that out himself, normally people didn´t survive being shot multiple times in vital regions).

The trial over his soul would soon begin and it would be determined if he would go to hell (gods, please, no!) or if he would go to heaven.  
He was worried; he was a conman, thief, lier, deceiver and he loved to laugh at the misfortune of others. Not exactly ideal conditions to ascend to heaven. On the other hand... he couldn´t have been such a bad person, could he?  
He had reformed, worked for the FBI, tried to....oh, who was he kidding? He would go faster to hell than anyone could say "fuck, it´s Neron"!

And he was proven right. Religion really sucked he decided. Lying was a sin, stealing was a sin, stupid rule about being nice and treating people like himself....bah!

As he descended down a giant staircase to hell, his mind wandered off.

He just wished he had changed a few things....maybe he should have been nicer to some people, maybe he shouldn´t have become a criminal, maybe....

He grinned. No. He wouldn´t have changed one single thing.  
He had had a good life, filled with adventure, wonder and his friends.  
If that was the price for eternal suffering in hell, he´d pay it gladly. At least his friends would then join him eventually and then they´d break out somehow.  
Once a Rogue, always a Rogue!

Underworld, prepare yourself - the Trickster has arrived!


	33. What does your heart tell you?

Taking this job was one of the best decisions he had ever made!  
The undercover work at the circus reminded him of his childhood; the laughter, the joy, the electricity in the air!  
The FBI had wanted him to investigate the case of a serial thief who somehow had ties to this circus.  
He bounced with every step, grinning as widly as possible and performing little tricks here and there.  
The big show would begin in one hour, he had plenty of time left before he had to climg up and perform and he loved it!

James juggled with 4 balls and announced that the show would start at 4pm, he praised the acrobatics, the lions, the wizard and the clowns. The people went into the tent. Then he discovered the little tent; it was blue and had yellow stars sewn onto it. A sign in front told him that the fortune-teller "Madame Mysteria" would glimpse into your future and he decided to give it a shot. Maybe he´d get some investigating done instead of cartwheeling through the entire place three times in a row like he had done yesterday.

The light inside was dim and there she was; an old lady, dressed in a purple....gown?dress?whatever, a crystal orb to her left.  
"You seek answers, my boy," she whispered with a thin, frail voice.  
James was not impressed. Standard introduction.  
"What you seek is before your own eyes, yet you don´t recognize it."  
Boooooo-ring. But he decided to let her go on; no use in angering her by interrupting.  
"Someone is taking things....valuable things from you. You want to get them back!"  
That could refer to his case, but was just the same stuff you could read in your horoscope.  
"Look into yourself, the answer lies within!"  
"Madam Mysteria, could I ask you-"  
"What does your heart tell you?"  
"My heart?"  
"Yes." she sounded very annoyed.  
"Umm....why don´t you tell me?"  
Madame Mysteria ripped her wig off to reveal Piper.  
"Your Hart tells you to drop the act and kiss me already. I´ve spent three weeks preparing this and you´re too dense to realize it was me all along!"  
James hugged Piper, laughing and laughing. He kissed him.  
It had clicked into place. Piper was the mystery thief, had masqueraded as this fortune teller in the circus and  
"All to lure me here?"  
"Of course! I figured it would get you away from work, into a nice atmosphere and-"  
James kissed Piper senseless.  
It paid off to date a genius.


	34. A minor setback

"Well... I´d call it a minor setback."  
"Are you nuts?! Sam, we´re in the damn Batcave! And you just broke your last mirror! We are doomed! Hear me, doomed!!!"  
"Calm down," said the cheery voice of the Trickster, "let´s think about the possibilities here: we are in the goddam batcave! Just imagine what we could DO here!"

He ascended and started to explore. "Guys, there are real bats here! How cool is that!"

"Can´t you please be quiet" Piper said hushed, concern in his voice. "I don´t even want to think about what he´d do if he found us!"  
"Drama Queen!" James accused him.

Then they heard a rustling.  
"Len, Len, Len, ice mirror! Quicckquickquick pleasepleasepleeeeeeeease!" they begged in a chorus, "he´ll find us!"

One blast of the cold gun and one mirror trick later they were safely out of there. They were panting, shaking slightly, heart racing. Frightened.

"Let´s never do that again," Mick said.  
They all agreed.


	35. Tuesday

"What day is it today?" Mark asked while stuffing his face with Chinese take out.  
"Tuesday," Mick sighed who attempted to read the newspaper.  
"And since when are we stuck here?" Mark asked.  
"Monday," replied Len who had propped his feet up on the couch table and looked at the TV. Not watched, because that would take an effort he was unwilling to contribute at this time.  
"And for how long are we going to be stuck here?" asked Mark who was now holding a fortune cookie in his hands.  
"Two weeks," Sam said who was polishing his shoes.  
"And just why can´t we get out and wreak havoc? I thought there was this exhibition we wanted to crash," Mark whined.  
"And I thought we wanted to stay alive and not raise our heads until that thing will be forgotten," Boomer hissed.  
"I don´t see why that thing is something to be ashamed of...." Mark replied.  
Piper pounded his fist on the table.  
"Just because you can´t see why we - under a pheromone influence thanks to Poison Ivy - all declared everlasting love to the Flash and announced that we wanted to have his babies, doesn´t mean that the rest of us that has a brain is not completely horrified by that thing!"

Silence.

"You know," said JJ, "I think we should sue the news channel for the nationwide broadcast without our permission."


	36. I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of bubblegum

The Rogues were villains. Criminals. They were the fine line between engineering geniuses (gun that manipulated on the molecular kinetic level, shoes that defied gravity, mirror portals and a wand that could control the freaking weather!) and brawlers that preferred the smash&grab style.

They were many things - playful, funny, witty, bad, lying, violent, nice when they wanted to, merciless when they needed to - but there was one thing they were not: heroes.

They got possessive about their city and whenever a rogue from another city wanted to set foot in Keystone he´d either be roasted, freezed, electrocuted or worse.  
It was marking territory and there was nothing noble about them fighting off Two-Face. Or during that alien invasion when they brought down single-handedly the mothership, it was just to piss the Flash off, to rub it in his face that they were faster than him.

They weren´t heroes.  
But when on one day, walking home from school, Tony Gambi was bullied by three of his classmates and a man emerged from an alley, dressed in a way that would make a tropical bird jealous, and had firmly announced that he was here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. Then he spat his pink bubblegum on the floor and cracked his knuckles.  
"And I´m all out of bubblegum," he had ammended with a devilish smile.

A glue-rubber chicken later and the bullies were running home, crying to their mommies.  
James ruffled Tony´s hair. "Let´s get you home to Big Gambi, shall we?" He grinned and crouched down to meet Tony´s eyes. "And if you promise not to tell your uncle that I did this, we´ll take the express way!"  
Tony promised not to tell and seconds after that he sat on the Trickster´s shoulders as he walked over a park and - after Tony begged him - two skyscrapers and made faces at the people in the offices.

They might be supervillains to the rest of the world, but they were Tony´s heroes.


	37. I'm a Marvel, I'm a DC

"Hello! I´m a Marvel-" said Deadpool.  
"And I´m a DC!" Trickster shouted happily!

"We are here to talk about the portrayals of our selves in animated style since Mr Stupidpants hasn´t even made it into a reeeeeal movie yet"  
"At least I won´t be massacred for cheap money and have all my trademark things stripped away from me like some people"  
"That - however horrible it was - gave me a chance to be made into a real movie where they will set everything right! Ryan Reynolds will save me!"  
"Yeah, because movie adaptations of comic books always do justice to the characters"  
"What are you talking about? The Spiderman movies were, well the first-"  
"Batman rubber nipple suit."  
"Point taken."

"I liked my role in the Wolverine animated against the Hulk thing."  
"Yeah, it was very .....you."  
"Was that a compliment?"  
"Would I threaten the maniac who´s pointing a gun at me?"  
"....probably."

"At least .... hey, you will star in your own movie, that´s....probably will take my 50 years if I´m lucky. Very lucky..."  
"But your JLU episode was good, really one of the best. The pink hair was a bit strange, but hey, I know strange and your JLU wasn´t strange at all."

 

....  
"How are your comic books going?"  
"Stellar really, I´m in like 5 different titles right now, get a tie in with my zombie self-"  
"Oh, you have now zombies, too? We have, well, they´re not really zombies, more intelligent than Braaaaaaaaaaains and all, but ....you know, zombie invasion. I thought I was supposed to appear, but I dunno....either I was forgotten, I´ll come in later or... I think I´d prefer a resurrection through a new Underworld Unleashed, I sorta pissed the devil off, you see..."  
"Messing with deities? Sure thing, bro. I was cursed with life by one...strange fellow, really."

"Maybe we should just ditch them and have our own comic books, own stories..."  
"And animated movies."  
"And animated movies...and real movies, merchandise, autograph sessions....with blackjack and hookers!"  
"Hell yeah, buddy of mine! Screw you, Wolverine!"  
"Screw you Dan Didio!"


	38. No thankyou! We don't want any more visitors, well wishers or distant relations!

The intention was clearly polite dismissal, but since it was Leonard Snart we´re talking about, it came out rather as "Piss off!".

Then a female voice intervened - divine Lisa - "No, thank you! We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers or distant relations!".  
So, we knocked again. "And how about very old friends?" we asked. The door opened and revealed stunning Lisa in her wedding dress. I tell you, she was a sight to behold.  
Almost like when she was skating, when she left the world behind, was dressed in the most stylish outfits, make-up on her face like paint on canvas and she was smiling. She looked like that on that day. There was some sort of glow to her... almost angelic.  
She smiled and let us in.  
"You made it!" she exclaimed and gave us a hug, "aren´t you guys supposed to be in prison?"  
Yes, we should have after the latest intermission by a certain scarlet speedster, but we had had help from a certain man dressed like a blue Santa Clause who had made us swear never to tell her. Len knew that it would have made his sister very happy if all her friends, and we were proud to be called that, would be here for her wedding.  
Len still hated Roscoe´s guts but had to realize in the end that all his efforts to break up their relationship were just hurting her and that was the last thing he had ever wanted. So, two days ago, mysteeeeeeeeeriously, every Rogue found himself staring at a white gloved hand and a gruff voice telling them to "come with me!".  
Naturally we all had taken this chance and bailed. What followed was a trip to Gambi´s for proper tuxedos then a forced trip to a hairdresser´s.  
We were given an invitation and a growl that said "be there or else!".

So, all we went to her wedding, to see beautiful Lisa and Ros tying the knot. To watch Len leading his sister down the aisle, to see Roscoe stumbling over his vows, to laugh whenever Sam was taking photographs. To eat wedding cake, to dance with the bride, to watch Boomer perform with the wedding band to Elvis´"I can´t stop loving you", to cheer at the newly weds, to laugh and be happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With this words James ended his story and shifted Billy higher to let his son have a proper look at the photo album.  
"Is that Uncle Mick with the chef hat?"  
"Yes, he is."  
"Is that uncle Mark who´s pretending not to cry?"  
"And failing miserably, yes."  
He ruffled Billy´s hair.  
"Who´s the bridesmaid?"

"....that´s Daddy Piper. Oh god, promise me you won´t tell him that I´ve kept this!"


	39. I wouldn't work with him again, I'm mad at him!" - "Why?" - "I don't remember. I just remember I'm mad at him!

"Go away, Tricks!"  
"What have I done now, Piper?!"

A short period of silcence, scratching of heads and the sound of two people frantically trying to remember what happened like last night. The bottles scattered over the floor next to their discareded clothes and  
"is that....BOOMER?!"  
"Don´t be ridiculous, that´s .....holy shit, it IS Boomer!"  
"Is he like.....dead?"  
"No, only hung over from hell."

Piper clutched the bed sheet and went over to take a closer look at their fellow Rogue who lied passed out next to a potted plant.  
"Where are we, anyway? Hotel of some sort, I suppose---"  
"If you hand me my pants, I´ll go out and investigate."  
"Oh no, I´m not helping you in any way after....after....I hate you, you know!"  
"What are you mad at me for?"  
"I don´t know!"  
"Then why are you mad?"  
"I just know I am so shut up!"

A massive groan from the bathroom drew their attention to him.  
"Is that who I think it is?"  
"If you´re thinking Gorilla Grodd then you´re right."

"We should run."  
"Let´s bail!"

Trickster slipped into his clothes and shoes, slung Boomer over his shoulder and bolted. Piper - still in the bedsheet - followed.

Next time Len wanted to go drinking with them they´d politely decline and run for their lives.


	40. I sleep with everyone.

They weren´t exactly sure whom they had pissed off (again) but they figured that if the person who had been offended would go through all the trouble to make James revert into a child - they must have fucked up pretty badly.

James was at his best an insufferable manchild who was immature and completely oblivious to social standards. Turned out that his childhood hadn´t been that different at all.

He got Gambi to tailor him a mini-Trickster suit, he managed to break into his weapons-stash the Rogues thought they had made unreachable and he followed them around like a puppy. A loud, cheery, bubblegum-chewing, bouncing puppy.

He went grocery shopping with Mark and had managed to make Mark buy tons of candy. Mark only realized what he did after they had left the shop and was confused looking at all the bright packages. Apparently, being younger didn´t make James a worse conman.

He went with Len to an ice hockey game and convinced the Captain to let him ride on his shoulders. Len firmly insisted that he had no idea how James managed to get people to do exactly what he wanted all the time.

Just one person could resist him, and that was Piper.  
Regardless of what James asked, the answer was always a strict "No!".  
"Piper, can we-" "No!"  
"Piper, do you-" "No!"  
"Piper, I-" "No!"  
After a while James gave up and went bothering Digger. And coaxed him into building a blanket fort.

At night, Piper heard tiny feet approaching his bedroom door and when the door opened it revealed James. He was dressed in one of his old shirts, boxer shorts and clutched a teddy bear close which he had Mick win for him at a fair.

"Piper?"  
...."What is it, James?"  
"Can I sleep in your bed?"  
"Why that?"  
"There is a monster under mine."  
"James, don´t be ridiculous, there are no-" Piper broke off. He couldn´t tell James that there were no monsters because they had met and fought those.  
And there were these two puppy eyes and- "Alright," he sighed and scooted over to make room for James.  
James all but leapt into the bed and stole Piper´s pillow.  
"Why did you come to me?" Piper asked after a while.  
"Don´t get presumptous, I sleep with everyone," James replied.  
Piper thought for a moment and realized that this was indeed true.  
Tandem-snoring with Len on the couch, nap-time with Digger in the blanket fort, Mark told him that James fell asleep in the car, Mick ended up carrying James and his teddybear from the fair... it felt...weird. Domestic. And kinda cute.

In the morning he was woken by the repeated impact of two feet on his matress.  
"Wakey, wakey Piper-buddy! It´s moooooorning!"

Piper groaned and rolled over. He couldn´t wait to get old James back.


	41. Defying Gravity

It was after their first successfull heist. They were excited, happy, relieved and roaring drunk. Well.... at least some of them.  
Len, Mick and Digger had drunken themselves into oblivion. Sam was mutting incoherent stuff, no one had seen Mark for over an hour and Piper was in a nice, mellow mood where everything felt fuzzy and detached.  
One thought nagged in his head: the blond fellow, the Trickster - he could have sworn that he had seen the man drink at least as much as Len (and Len lied passed out draped over the carpet) but this guy didn´t seem to be affected. He surveyed the Rogues with a small, sharp smile. His eyes landed on Piper and then he winked.  
Piper was surprised but everything dulled due to the alcohol.  
"Hey," he said.  
"Hey," Trickster replied.  
"what," he gestured wildly for a moment, "how do you flyyyyyyy?" he asked. "You look like....a biiiiiird. A col---colorful, loud birdy!" he felt his lips tug themselves into a smile. One part of his brain was mortified What the hell am I doing? the other 90% just stared at James.  
"I´m one of the bird-people from Atlantis," Trickster replied.  
"Really?"  
"No, I´m the last son of Krypton. I gain superpowers from sun radiation."  
"....you´re kidding, right?"  
"Of course I am! The truth is... I´m a wizard! The winds are bound to my will!"  
"Yeaaaaah, right-"  
"OK, you got me: these are magical shoes I swindled from the devil himself."  
"No way!"  
"Stubborn, eh? OK, I confess - I´m afraid of heights and invented shoes to keep me in air!"  
"That´s the least believable one of them all!"  
"Would you like to hear the true story then? The one about the abducted prince, the magic dragon and divine blessing?"  
"Go on..."

 

Afterwards, Piper couldn´t remember one word of what Trickster had said but it was one of the best nights he had ever had.


	42. Damn big heroes

They arrive just in time; capes billowing in the wind, armor glazing, swords streaks of silver! They are noble, dignified, honest, trustworthy. They are gallant, handsome, chivalrous and kind.  
They arrive at the last minute to save the damsel in distress and defeat the bad guy.

The people of Keystone had never guessed that when the Flash was mindcontrolled, it was the Rogues´turn to save the city.

Their cloaks were tattered, bruises and cuts all over their bodies, exhaustion, fatigue in their stances. They were tired, in pain, had fought through evil monsters to get here and felt like they had been run over with a steam roller.

"If this is what damn big heros have to get through all the time," Captain Cold panted, "man, I´m glad that I´m a supervillain."

The city was saved, the Flash rescued from the clutches of mindcontrol and the Rogues had vanished before anyone could say "thank you".

Nevertheless, the carefully collected all newspaper clippings and TV recordings of their "heroic deed".  
They were proud of being big damn heroes. But, they decided, one day of being a hero was enough to last for a life time.


	43. Rule 4 - NO Cheating!

"And the most important rule of all - NO CHEATING!" Len threatened.  
The Rogues family picnics were always a ....very special occassion, mostly filled with reminiscing, nostalgia, booze and shenanigans.

He eyes Gio and Axel. Never trust a Trickster,let alone two of them. He lifted his middle finger and index finger to his eyes and then pointed at the pair. "I´m watching you" he mouthed and then went to join Team Blizzard consisting of his son Jake and Mick´s Maria. And technically Josh, but the Mardon family was fashionably late as usual. He gestured for the kids to come together in a football huddle.  
"Remember, kids, no cheating. But that doesn´t mean that we can´t make it as hard as we possibly can for them, right?" The kids nodded enthusiastically - Rogues paintball was one of their favorite things at the picnic and they were determined to win this year! Sam and Jerrie had less than subtly rubbed it into their faces that their daughter Janet and the Giuseppe kids had won last year.

He observed the rest of the participants. Abra instructed his son not to use magic tricks and "no, no disappearing, no making others disappear and no, give me the magic rings this instant young man!" His son Al pouted and wandered off to join his teammate Owen. Digger laughed as his wife cooed how adorable Owen looked in his paintball gear. Young Al was soon distracted by Alice clinging to his arm, announcing that they could get married after the paintball and that she wouldn´t mind if he lost or not. Al shied away from the dangerous girl cooties and cursed in a demonic language which earned him a stern look from his father.

Evan watched his daughter´s antics smilingly, remarked how adorable she and Al looked, and then went to chat with Sam. His daughter Janet simply slapped on her goggles, loaded her paintball gun and strutted off to her cousins Billy and Loreley.  
The champion team of last year was reunited and ready for action.

Gio gave Axel a silent thumbs up and a beaming grin. He wandered off to Hartley. "Oh, love of my life - why can´t the adults play paintball anymore?" he asked whiningly.  
"Because at the last time we did it every single one of us cheated to win, remember?"  
Ice slides suddenly appearing in the forest, hail storm, rat army and airborne attacks from blue and yellow blurs...not to mention the mirror traps, boomerangs, animated objects chasing them...

"Let´s hope our kids will do the honorable thing," Gio said.  
Hartley raised one eyebrow.  
"Our kids are not what worries me - it´s the blonde imp who has imprinted itself on you and your grin from earlier on!" Hartley accused.  
Gio smiled.....his hsuband knew him too well. And was Rogues enough not to try to stop him.  
Gio loved family picnics!


	44. That's my James

It was a nightmare come alive. Voices buzzing like angry insects, a cacophony of colors, minor explosions, accusations - Piper was stuck in a room full of Tricksters.

Big Tricksters, small Tricksters, male Tricksters, female Trickster, animal Tricksters - a whirl of blue and yellow and all yelling that he/she/it was "the only true Trickster! You damn impostors, go away!"

Piper clutched his head. How would he ever find his Trickster and go home?  
The physical appearances narrowed it down a dozen figures.  
"James?" he asked. Only 5 Tricksters of his "possibly James" bunch reacted at all.  
"Well, that´s some progress," he thought, before all the Trickster replied in unison, "Yes, Piper?".

He resisted the urge to bash his head against a wall.  
That might take a while.


	45. Rush a torture, ruin a torture

Patience is a virtue, so they say.  
Axel Walker thought that whoever "they" were, they were a bunch of idiots. Not that he used exactly these words, his descriptions were a lot more colorful.  
He was a child of his generation; rude, obnoxious and impatient. Everything had to happen now and then and precisely when he wanted it to happen. Fuck suspense, fuck expectancy, fuck that rigidness! Throw yourself into the flow, live now and go out with a glorious bang! No thinking, no remorse, no mercy - and if people stood in his way, it was their own damn fault.

Patience is a virtue, so they say.  
James could be patient. James could wait, because he knew that the wait made everything better, looking forward to things only added to his final satisfaction and that sometimes the way, the wait was the goal and not what it was directed at.  
Surrounded by rocks and screams, face illuminated by green flames, he watched the iage the crystal orb showed him. The impostor had dared to take his colors and his name... despite his earlier warning. Well.... so be it!  
James chuckled as he imagined the demise of Axel Walker by his hands. The wait would make the death more vivid, the screams even sweeter and the mercy.... fuck mercy!


	46. Snow Day

"Admit it, this is all your fault," Mick said and glared at Mark. "Freaking snow in May - why, Mark?"  
Mark tried to shrink or turn invisible or just vanish; he just wanted to get away from Mick. Mick wasn´t exactly a fan of cold days and winter - he tended to spend this time of the year on an island in the Caribbean Sea. He wouldn´t even commit crimes - when the temperatures were below the freezing point, the vicious criminal known as Heat Wave refused to set a foot out of the door.  
"Shouldn´t you ask Len? After all, he´s excited as a kid on christmas day, I bet it was his idea," Mark sugegsted and tried to weasel his way out of this situation.  
"Shirley may be one hell of a gun, but I haven´t found the instant-blizzard setting yet," Len said cheerily as he came in from the cold. His cheeks were red from the cold and he was shivering, but his smile said that he couldn´t care less.

"Could be worse," Sam supplied from his eat at the fireplace, with his newspaper and a pipe.  
"Yeah, imagine it was July now, that would suck, huh?"  
"Not helping Boomer!" Mark replied, "where´s JJ when you need him, anyway?"

They ahdn´t seen him all day.  
Trickster. Unsupervised. On a freak snow day.

"I´ll look for him," Len volunteered.  
"Len, you´re five minutes away from turning into an ice cube," Mick said sternly. Then he grinned. "Mark goes looking for him."  
"But-"  
"I said: Mark. Goes. Looking. For. Him!"

Mark fled the scene as quickly as he could. The last time they had "lost" the Trickster he had turned up in Las Vegas with a kangaroo. And the time before that he had called from the JLA space station, completely inebriated and unable to explain or remember how he got there in the first place.

It was so unfair, Mark decided, because he wasn´t responsible for the unexpected snow. This time, at least.  
He fumbled for his car keys, then decided that a search from the sies would be more effective. He reached for the wand in his pocket only to find a patch of nothing that was suspicoulsy wand-shaped.

"Trickster!!!!!!!!"


	47. Pogo Stick

"Tricks, what is that?"  
"Why, my dearest Piper, this is a pogo stick!"

Piper raised one eyebrow. "I know that it looks like a pogo stick. But I also know you - and the combination of these facts makes me ask one question - what. is. that?"

"You wound me, music maestro!" JJ exclaimed and started to hop around on the stick. "Look, it iiiis a pogo stick! It´s blue and yellow and when I press here-" he pressed the right handle and suddenly a cloud of sparkles burst from the stick´s underside.  
"It does that!"  
He threw Piper a dazzling smile who had slowly moved to the door. Piper smiled back, but his eyes said "don´t raise any attention, stay inconscpicious and when he doesn´t look - run!"

"Do you know what happens when you press the other handle?" JJ asked.  
"Definetely, s-sure," Piper said and inched closer to the door. Last time JJ had asked about special effects hidden in his toys he had had pink dye in his hair for two weeks.

"It makes soooounds!" JJ said proudly. Piper was interested, leant forward and was spewed with baby blue goo.  
"Good luck washing that out of your hair!" JJ called and jumped out of the window and ran, abandoning the pogo stick on the floor with a very disgruntled Piper.  
"Revenge is sweet, my dear Trickster!"


	48. Utility Belt

"You have WHAT?!"  
"I just made a trip to Gotham, visited an old friend and "  
"AND YOU STOLE BATMAN´S UTILITY BELT!!!!!!!"  
A heartbeat of silence.  
"Yes, your iciness."

After one minute of curisng, shoving, running, grabbing equipment, more cursing, insults and panic, the safehouse was abandoned. A sole piece of paper fluttered down. The house was eerily quiet. The Rogues had left the building.

"Feline Fatale? You can come out now," JJ called.  
" Meow, don´t I just love a man with power," she purred and Selina Kyle came out of her hiding place.  
"Well, the old folks have left, we have the house to ourselves. What do you have in mind?" JJ asked with a smile.  
She gazed into his eyes and then they heard the flutter of wings and a car screeched to halt in front of the house. The adrenaline rush subsided and they realized it was a cold, stormy night. And they clutched Batman´s utility belt. Which meant that Batman was probably after them right now. They were hiding from the world´s greatest detective. And suddenly-

"I say we return his damn belt!"  
"Me too. God, that man scares me!"


	49. Playhouse I

"Awww, can we keep him?"  
"What?! Linda, that is Captain Boomerang! Captain Wombat, the crazy koala, the worst thing Australia ever exported!"  
Linda didn´t listen and cooed at the infant Captain Boomerang turned into after he had insulted Abra Kadabra during a bankrobbery.

The rest of the Rogues were also de-aged and mostly looked at them with big eyes.  
"You look weeeeird," Captain Cold told him.  
"He´s wearing jim-jams," a young Trickster pointed out."Poppa says that I can´t wear jim-jams during the day, why can you?"  
"Maybe it´s an old thing," Weaher Wizard chirped in, "old people always are allowed to do more stuff."

"He´s still weird, "Captain Cold insisted and mustered Wally with an air of suspicion, "I don´t like him!"

"I like the nice lady," Captain Boomerang said. And as if on commando, all the little Rogues crawled and wobbled over to Linda.  
Seeing his wife covered in infant versions of his nemeses was a thing Wally never expected to see, especially as the kids started to yawn and fell asleep around her.  
"Aren´t they cute?" Linda asked.

 

Ok, so they were, but he was never going to admit it


	50. Playhouse II

"Awww, can we keep him?"  
"What?! Linda, that is Captain Boomerang! Captain Wombat, the crazy koala, the worst thing Australia ever exported!"  
Linda didn´t listen and cooed at the infant Captain Boomerang turned into after he had insulted Abra Kadabra during a bankrobbery.

"Where is mommy?" Boomerang asked. "I want my mommy!"  
"She´s ...she asked me to watch you for a while," Linda said.  
Like a dam was broken, the Rogues turned to Wally.  
"Where´s my poppa?"  
"I miss my mommy!"  
"Where´s Lisa? I´m supposed to watch Lisa! Tell me, where is she? Lisa!"  
Wally´s heart felt suddenly cold.  
He felt a tiny hand tugging on his.  
"Have you seen Jerry, Mister?" Piper asked, "she´s my little sister. Nanny says I have to protect her."  
"Clyde! Clyde! Are you there? Clyde!"  
"Did Poppa leave me? I thought he was joking..."  
"The fire, they burn!"  
Wally didn´t know what to do. He wished that he could say that everything was going to be okay. But he knew that this would be a lie.  
"Please, I have to get back to my mom. I´m everything she has."  
"Where is my sister?!"  
"Big brother!"  
"Jerry!"  
"No!"  
"Why did he leave me?"

 

 

"I miss my family."


	51. Blackadder

Roscoe stared at his reflection in the mirror.  
After a less than happy childhood, troubled teen years, always the shadow of his legacy looming over him like the sword of Damocles, he was going to do it.  
He would turn evil. He´d become a criminal-no, a villain! A criminal was too common, much to profane. He was of noble descent! He´d bring respect to his family name! He´d make people quiver with fear when they heard who he was. He would return the dignity, the solemnity, the venerance.  
He´d truly accept his name. He had become a true scion of his family.  
"From this day onwards, I shall be known as: the Black Adder!"

"Blackadder, Blacka~~~~~~dder,"  
"Boomdrick, shut up or I´ll maim you! I´m trying to think of a way to defeat my arch nemesis, the dastly superhero named Flashheart and I can´t concentrate if you continue to sing that ghastly excuse of a song!"  
"But Black...Master Blackadder, every proper villain needs a theme tune!"  
"Every proper villain needs useful henchmen and look who I got!"  
"... I don´t get it,"  
"That´s my point exactly, Boomdrick! Now shut up: the big Flashheart appreciation day is just around the corner. He will be too distracted by wallowing in his own glory. That is the perfect moment to strike!"

There was a knock on the door.  
"Boomdrick, correct me if I´m wrong, but - this is a secret supervillain base of operations. Am I correct?"  
"If by that you mean the hideout we built in the abandoned pie shop, then yes"  
"It is top secret and we haven´t told anyone that we´d ever be there. Am I correct?"  
"Yes, Master."  
"And from the outside, this looks like a perfectly abandoned shop with no signs of life inside. So, dear Boomdrick... why should anyone knock here?"  
"I ordered pizza, Master Blackadder."  
"You did WHAT?!"


	52. Blackadder II

"You can´t rob this museum, I was here first!"  
"You tell him, B!....Master Blackadder!"

The duo in front of Boomdrick and Roscoe Blackadder lookd at them and laughed. The blond haired git spoke first. "Scusi, but firstly, we are supervillains and don´t care what a black-clad fop and his ....talking dog think and secondly, you´re the third robbing party we´ve run into here. We took out the Temperature Twins...that´s just a name, they´re not really twins, they don´t even look a bit alike and oh yes, we met the Wizards and defeated them and now there´s you two...one...does the thing here count?"  
"Don´t go disrespectin´ Master Blackadder!"  
"I´m inclined to believe he was talking about you, Boomdrick."  
"Oh."

"And secondly, you forgot one thing: I work with a partner." He flashed them a brilliant smile and then they were pertified and couldn´t move.  
"By now you probably wonder what just happened to you - and that would be my magnificent partner, the Pied Piper. If you excuse us, we have a museum to rob."

The next morning

 

The booming sound of Flashheart´s laugh filled the air. If his pride hadn´t been in the way, Blackadder would have thanked him for rescuing him from 6 hours of Boomdrick´s chatter about turnips, koalas and his dirt collection. Instead, he cackled maniacally and vowed eternal revenge to that bloody git and his minstrel.  
God, he hated minstrels...


	53. Cupcake

"Cupcake?"  
...  
"Sweetheart?"  
...  
"Darling?"  
...  
"Honey?"  
...  
"Cutie-pie?"  
...  
"Sugar?"  
...  
"Babe?"  
...  
"Cuddles?"  
...  
"Huggy?"  
"What kind of stupid nickname is that?"  
"Well, since you choose not to respond to my previous suggestions... I warn you, it´s only getting worse. Sweetcheeks?"  
...  
"Babyface?"  
...  
"Flute Boy?"  
"That does it, you´re so sleeping on the couch tonight!"


	54. Bejeweled Spatula of Doom

"So... you don´t want to take over the world?"  
"Nope."  
"Maybe one country?"  
"Nope."  
"A state?"  
"Nope."  
"So you...what do you do all day?"  
"We steal stuff, break in, play tag with the Flash... that´s pretty much it."  
"You can´t be serious!"

"Well, normally I´d point out, Mr Luthor, that you are talking to a man who calls himself the Trickster and that you shouldn´t take anything that he says seriously...but this time he´s right. We don´t have high amibitons like rule the world, enslave humanity, etc. We are quite content with the life we lead right now."  
"You´re hiding in an abandoned bar," Lex Luthor said. It was unbeliveable! The Flash´s Rogues, they had so much potential! Fire, ice, mirrors - they could revolutioniaze weapon industry! They had a memebr who could control weather! They ahd the ultimate hypnosis guy ...and the fellow in bright stripes. Luthor hadn´t quite figured out what thatguy exactly did. Maybe he was the comic relief guy.  
They had so much potential...and they wasted it on annoying a superhero who was always going to beat them eventually.  
Nevertheless, he had to try it at least one.

"Hereby, the Injustice League extends a hand to you. Join us and together we will oppose the so called Justice League and rule-"  
"Not interested," Trickster said. Lex actually was relieved when he had said that.  
"What about the others?"  
"Trickster speaks for us all," Heatwave said, "we don´t want your evil league of evil, so get out."  
"But...this is a one time chance! Unique! There´s so much potential and opportunities waiting for you!"  
"The man said No," a voice said from behind his back, "the Rogues won´t join your evil club. We already have our own and we don´t want yours. Get out!"  
Outrageous! How dare they refuse the mercy, the one chance!

Then suddenly, three guns, a wand, a flute and a ruber chicken were pointed at him.  
"Get out or we´ll break your jaw," Captain Cold threatened.

He took one step forward, cold gun still aimed at Luthor´s face. Lex stumbled one step backwards and then the Captain pushed him and Lex tripped over the crouched form of Captain Boomerang who had just waited for this trick.  
The Rogues broke in howling laughter.

Furious, Luthor left. Why in hell had he ever wanted the playhouse of evil to join him i the first place?

"Did you see his face?"  
"Oh, that was so worth it!"  
"I can´t believe you pulled it through Boomer, that was awesome!"  
"I almost cracked, but I managed to keep the face up! Hell, that was so gooooood!"

"What did he want with us anyway?"  
"Eyecandy?"  
They laughed.

JJ grabbed his cape and climbed on a table.  
"Look at me, I´m Balders the First. I rule the world because even the dogs refuse to play with me unless I tie a steak around my neck! With my bejeweled spatula of doom I shall reign surpreme!"  
They all laughed. As long as they had each other, they didn´t need anything else in the world.


	55. The yellow jester does not play, but gently pulls the strings

In a world, in one possibility of millions, Giovanni Giuseppe becomes the Jester.  
He clads in gold and royal blue. He mocks, laughs and he plots.  
People are like so easy to look through, unable to hide anything from him.  
He sees weaknesses, he sees beliefs, he sees what makes them tick.  
He knows what he has to do to manipulate them, to make them do his bidding.  
And so, silently, gently he pulls his strings.  
The riot at Arkham... his responsibility. Blackgate Escape... his doing.  
Assassination of the Flash... he´s responsible.  
He dances in the air as he watches the world burn.

 

In a world, in one possibility of millions, Giovanni Giuseppe will become the Trickster. He will dive headfirst into combat, he´ll use rubber chickens and itching poweder. He´ll wear striped pants and annoy the hell out of his enemies.  
And this will be a glorious life.


	56. Jester II

The world was cast in shadows by the one who smiles as brilliantly as the sun and who flies in the sky like a bird.  
The heroes couldn´t stop him and at the time the villains realzed that they ought to, it´s already too late.  
He´s blackmailing politicians, celebrities and random, ordinary people. Everyone fears that someday he or she will find a yellow letter with blue writing which forms only one sentence. I know what you did  
There are no secrets you can hide from the Trickster.

Once, there was a boy. He was so similar to the Trickster and still so different. Trickster took him under his wing, taught him what he knew and then, he killed him. Of course, there was no evidence, no proof. But when the boy was found dead in the asylum, they knew that the Trickster had something to do with the murder of Axel Walker - physically or psychologically.

The Trickster pulls his strings silently in broad daylight. And the world is his puppet.


	57. Oh how he hated minstrels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Return of Roscoe Blackadder

There were only a couple of things Roscoe Blackadder liked.  
He liked the color black, successful heists and power.  
The rest of the world could go down in flames and he wouldn´t care.  
Well, he´d cheer to some parts of the world bursting into flame...  
Lord Flashheart, for example.  
Boomdrick.  
Police.  
Boomdrick.  
Lord Roy Roy who had the insufferable need to pester him with his presence every so often.  
The prison guards Ploppy & Ploppy (not related)  
Lord Flashheart´s new sidekick Bob (who had broken his heart)  
Boomdrick  
and minstrels!

How he hated minstrels!  
Especially the one clad in green who was always running around with that blonde fop of his. The one who looked like he dressed himself in the dark and had gotten into the wadrobe of two dozen circus clowns with colorblindness.

He couldn´t say what annoyed him more:  
the smirking grins, the fact that they always foiled his plans or that the fact that he was a minstrel.  
Minstrels who dressed in tights, who sang and played the lute, who reminded him of those dreadful Disney movies, who pranced around and mocked him.

It was time for revenge!  
He would have his vengeance for the numerable insults he had suffered at the hands of the looney duo.  
They would pay, oh how they would pay!

Now the only thing left to do was to think of a good way to make them pay.

Boomdrick observed his master from afar. Lord Blackadder had apparently not realized that his entire internal soliloquy had actually been said aloud.  
But Boomdrick was used to it, and even better:

"Master, I have a cunning plan!"


	58. Musical Chairs

There was only one explanation for the scene which was displayed in the hotel room the Rogues had booked to celebrate their post-successful-heist party: Booze.  
And lots of it.

There had been drinking, eating, more drinking. Poker was a favorite pasttime at those parties. Along with several dozen drinking games.

Sam had been the first to call it a night by keeling over and snoring in the bathtub. His face was decorated by a sharpie-wielding, giggling James and a sinisterly grinning Mick.  
James followed him shortly afterwards; only that he had done something with that special shoes of his and was floating up towards the ceiling.  
Cold had used the drawstring to tie James´ankle to a bedpost, just as a precautionary measure.

The rest of the Rogues proved to be more "tough, manly and shit" and celebrated until 5:30 am.  
There had been a game of chess with gummi bear figures and a following argument what happened if one of the players ate the pawns. A game of musical chairs was played that turned into a shoving match and ended with a blooded lip and a black eye.  
Then they all formed a pile and listened to Mark telling them a story about a goblin.  
It had been a glorious night indeed.


	59. How´d we ever get this way?

Agent James Jesse stood at the grave of George Harkness, the man he had known as Digger, Captain Boomerang, "the Aussie bastard" and one of the best friends he had ever had.  
The cemetary was deserted, the official mourners long gone. This place was the last sanctuary for them, for Rogues and other villains, their final resting place. He hadn´t been invited for the funeral, but who could blame them? He was a G-Man, a cop, a man of the law and god, how he hated it so much.  
He hated that suit he was wearing, he hated the earpiece, he hated the gun. He hated the badge identifying him as a federal agent, he hated the building he worked in, he hated the office, he hated his office chair, his desk - everything.  
He hated whom he had become.

"I´m so sorry, Digger," he whispered.  
Why, he didn´t know. The grave was empty, he knew it. He knew where the body was. And what they had been planning to do to him. And still he had come here.

He had never been a very religious, very faithful man until... well, until he had evidence that Hell was real and that the devil was pissed at him. He went to church every sunday, he didn´t curse, didn´t steal - he obeyed the ten commandments as best as he could. He knew that in a time like that, you´re supposed to go to church, light a candle for your fallen friend, but he had had bed experiences with candles.

So he had come to pay his respects to Captain Boomerang in the way it was supposed to be.

He pulled the boomerang from his coat and smiled. Then he abandoned the coat, threw off his suit jacket, got rid of everything Agent Jesse was.  
He didn´t dare to put his suit back on, so he had chosen an outfit at random. Finally, he pulled a mask over his head and made sure that he couldn´t be identified as the Trickster.

Then he got to the city, he howled and he threw the boomerang, destroying a cop car in the process. He howled and behind his mask he wept.  
"To Boomerang!"

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hartley Rathaway stood at the grave of James Jesse. The grave was empty, he didn´t kid himself. His body - well, most of it - was rotting away in the desert.  
After all that had happened, after all the madness, all the sadness, all the deaths, Hartley couldn´t bring himself to feel, to car anymore.  
He had played his swan song, he had killed the person who was responsible for James´death. He had destroyed a whole planet.  
And now, he was here, in the final sanctuary and had no more words to say to his fellow Rogue, to his friend.  
The police were looking for him, the superhero community was out for his blood and yet... he fetched the yo-yo from his pocket.  
He would be spotted immediately. This was not helping to clear him of charges.

This act might kill him.

Nevertheless, he grabbed the yo-yo tightly and went to the city.  
The yoy-yo shrieked, glass shattered and Hartley walked through all the destruction.  
Here´s to you, my friend, he thought.

"To Trickster!"


	60. I can hear music

Piper´s homicidal urges were rising quickly.  
His friend James had been drugged by some newbie supervillain who had thought that he could get easy street cred by taking on the established criminals. Well, he had gotten a lucky shot, but James had still defeated him with utter concentration. His movements may have been a bit sluggish, but he had beaten that punk.  
However, that was not what he was furious about. No, he was furious that his dear friends had dropped James simply at his place and then left. The effect of the drugs should wear off in a few hours, they said. Bastards, every single one of them!

So... here he was, in his apartment with a drugged Trickster who made even less sense than normal.

"I love your couch! It´s so smooooooth!" James exclaimed.  
"That´s my carpet, James!"

"The sky is made of diamonds!"  
"That....creepy, James, stop it!"

"I can hear music."  
Well, that was progress. The first statement that actually made sense and was true. Piper always played some music in the background.  
"That´s nice."  
"No, no, you don´t understand, I can hear music!"  
"There is music playing, James."  
"But I can hear music! It´s like in that one ...what´s it called, synaesthesia, when people smell colors and stuff - I can hear music!"  
"James, everyone hears music. Are you feeling alright?"  
"Yeah, yeah...um...what´s the other thing people do?"  
"What other thing?"  
"The one with eyes."  
"You mean....seeing?"  
"Yes, that´s the one! I can seeeeeeeeee music! It´s beautiful!"  
That was interesting...scientifically speaking. Piper joined James on the carpet and both looked at the celing that was definetely not made of diamonds.  
"So, what does my music look like?"  
"Like a barfing rainbow."

He´d strangle the Rogues with his own two hands if he saw the bastards again!


	61. Roller Disco

"Sam, I love you!" JJ exclaimed happily as he raced through the skate rink. He whirled, jumped and skated as if he had never done anything else in his life.  
What else could a man want from life than his best friends, skates and enough booze to last them two weeks?  
Sam had found this old roller disco as he as looking for the nearest mirror for a post-museum-robbery getaway.  
Piper had repaired the sound system, Mark had charged the place up with electricity and the rest had bought booze.

Boomer wobbled more than he skated, but he enjoyed himself a great deal while doing so. Mick and Mark had had more than enough beer and had to hold on to each other to keep them from falling over - well, each other and poor Roy who was squashed between them.  
Roscoe had announced that this "profane and mundane activity" was below him. Ice skating was a sport, a graceful dance, and dancing to 70s disco music while trying to avoid the drunken Rogues on the rink was definetely not. Nevertheless he joined in as Lisa asked and judging from the beaming smile on his face he was feeling very profane himself.  
JJ whirled around like the madman he was, occassionally tugging a reluctant Piper, who had never skated in his life before, with him  
Only Len chose to spend his time watching his sister dance and fondly reminisce their first ice skating. Lisa had looked like a little angel and now... she was in a roller disco, surrounded by cheap lights, his drunken friends and Abba filling the air - and she never looked more happy.


	62. Ignore me!

In hindsight, picking Roy to be their undercover agent had to be the worst idea they had ever had. His task had been to go to the underground auction, observe, be inconspicious and then report where the goods were stashed.

So much for the plan.

Piper was the son of a rich family, he could be recognized by patrons. Len, Mick and Mark had claimed to lack the "sophisticated charming bullshit" to pass as a rich guy interested in stolen art for the sake of art and not money. Sending JJ undercover.....yeah, the circus guy who had something for stripes....they hadn´t even asked him.  
And since Lisa and Roscoe were on a romantic holiday ... well, that left their favorite colorblind artist.

They really should have known better than to let Roy in the vicinity of art.

In the end, the auction house burned to the ground, Roy had yelled about art and tried to sneak away when he was being questioned by the police shouting "IGNORE ME!".

And no one noticed the blonde gentleman who was clad in a simple yet ellegant tuxedo walking away through the air with three canvases and a bag labeled loot filled with today´s auction money.

Being underrated paid off nicely, JJ thought.


	63. Public Service Announcement

"Citizens of Keystone City, this is your mayor with a public service announcement. We fear that our defenses have been compromised. The water main..."  
In Mark´s basement the Rogues laughed and consumed several buckets of popcorn while watching the PSA.  
Thanks to a little trick, the water in Keystone had turned purple. This PSA was to prevent a citywide panic.

"You´d think that after the last Mr Element/Dr Alchemy fiasko, they would have protected the water supply better," JJ said, grinning.  
"And if they´d bought better lab equipment and employed more people there, maybe they would have noticed by now that all we did was to dump perfectly fine food coloring in there. Geez, this city really needs better law enforcement, csi and stuff. Just imagine, if someone had actually tried to harm those people....," Piper added.

Keystone City definetely needed better police force, better trained scientists and better equipment. And the Rogues had just given them a perfectly fine excuse to get more government support.

Keystone was Rogues-Town and they´d protect made sure it would stay that way.


	64. Stapler

Len drove his van at top speed through the rush hour traffic. He cursed, yelled at other drivers and broke the speed limit whenever it was possible. He used the horn, flipped people off, cursed some more and drove to the hospital as fast as he could.  
Emergeny Room....again.  
In the back of the van Mick tried to soothe/distract the poor Digger.

Len didn´t have anything against hospitals - if you were healthy, you didn´t need one and if you were sick and needed one, the doctors would help you to get better.  
His stomach only turned when he approached one of them because of the memories, of his friends hurt and in pain.

JJ and his cracked ribs after a fight against the Flash, Mick and burn wounds, Piper´s ears....  
he deeply cared for his friends although he didn´t show it.

Just....why the hell did Boomer have to shoot himself with a stapler in the thigh....twice?


	65. Rouges! In! Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And yet more from Digger the deadly

"Ya-harr, me maties! Fear not, Digger the Deadly is here!"  
"Oh go, please no!"  
Digger the Deadly laughed jovially and clapped Len on the back. "Mate, you make me laugh: you´re now on board of the Shirley, the fastest ship in the entire galaxis! And with me as your captain, what could possibly go wrong?"  
Just as he finished that sentence, red lights started flashing and the alarm wailed.  
"We could, of course, have flown into an asteroid field after I rescued you lot from that spacestation," Digger amended, madman-grin still on his face.  
"Bah, I´ve had worse. Make yourselves comfortable, it´s gonna be a bumpy ride!"  
The Rogues from the 21th century immediately grabbed the futuristic equivalent of the seatbelts. Digger and driving....no. Digger and flying a spaceship...hell no!

"How did we end up here in the first place?" Mick asked as he stared out of the window and watched asteroids passing by.  
"I haven´t the foggiest ide-"  
A collision rocked the ship.  
"Just a minor inconvenience!" Digger the Deadly shouted from the cockpit.

"So...umm...what do we do now?" JJ asked.  
"We could harass meteors which pass us by," Mark suggested. He had been hit on the head by a helmet as they had escaped from the space station.  
"Sounds great!" Piper agreed. He also had had a little clinch with gravity and objects falling from high places directly above him.  
"Guys, what are the odds of a meteor conventiently passing by just after I finish this sentence?" Mick intervened only to be shushed by Mark.  
"There is one!"  
"Hey, meteor: your mom is a grain of sand!"  
"You suck, meteor!"

JJ watched his friends with a mild look of horror on his face. Either this was space madness or his friends hadn´t gotten out of the airlock as fast as him and now suffered from lack of oxygen.

"You call yourself a meteor? You´re just.."  
"A lousy golfball! A lousy golfball...with dimples!"  
"Ugly dimples!"


	66. Twister

"Left hand...blue!"  
The Rogues cursed as they tried to maneuver their respective left hands towards the blue circles on the Twister mat. They wobbled, cursed some more but didn´t fall over.  
"Yes! You´re going down, Sam!"  
"JJ, what have I ever done to you?"  
"You made my mirror display my face as Digger´s and now...it´s time for revenge!"  
Sam really didn´t like the look on JJ´s face. The fact that it was upside down made it even worse.  
"Piper: spin it!" JJ demanded and Piper grinningly obliged.  
Sam also didn´t like the look on his face. Then he remembered that he had not only messed with JJ´s mirror today....and oh god, they were gonna kill him!  
"Get him!" JJ yelled and then the Rogues all pounced on Sam.  
He was crushed on a Twister mat underneath his friends, but the satisfaction of having made the guys think they had bodyswapped was so totally worth it!


	67. Clue

"James, I hate to admit it, but I´m creeped out by this. We´re trapped in a lone mansion without transportation, all communication just died and now our generous host is dead. There isn´t anyone besides our friends on this island - I´m ...I´m afraid there is a murderer among us. And....in stories like this, the murderer never stops with just one victim. James, are you listening to me?"  
James was hidden halfway by the chimney he was searching for clues.  
"Aha! Found something!" He pulled out a dirty, soot-smeared bundle...the missing tablecloth and inside... "The missing flambeau! And ... the dining romm...but that would mean... Captain Boomerang?"  
James shook his head. "I suspected the Professor in the library...Piper, we have to get out of here!"  
The rest of the Rogues already had ignored his voice of reason (or drama queen-ery, as they called it). They all had to split up and search the mansion themselves. It was dangerous, dammit!

The next morning... James was dangling from the chandelier by a rope wrapped around his throat. Piper was the first to move forward to examine him. His fingers trembled as he cut James loose. "He...he´s dead," he whispered, "oh my god - do you believe me now?! We have to stick together!"

The murderer rubbed his hands in anticipatory glee - one after the other...they would all pay.

The clock struck midnight as he crept closer to his next goal. The door to Mardon´s room was locked, but proved to be no problem for him. After all, he just needed time, concentration and determination. He had plenty of all. No need to rush - they couldn´t esape anyway.

He opened the door ever so slowly, a predatory grin marring his features. The dagger was cool in his hand.  
He raised the dagger above his head, resdy to plunge it down onto the lump under the blanket that was Mardon´s head as suddenly the lights flared to life.  
The entire room was illuminated and he faced several guns.  
"But how-"  
"Easy as pie," an impossible voice said.  
"Jesse? But, you died! I killed you!"  
"Please, trying to hang the one guy who walks on air? It took some pretty convincing acting, but I was never in any danger. So, Turtle, I think now it´s time for the great confession speech why you set up this elaborate ruse to kill us, one after another. Go on, we´re listening."  
The Rogues, clad in mostly t-shirts and boxers (and Boomer completely naked which everyone bravely tried to ignore) waited as Turtle began to explain.  
"My plan... was perfect... You...would all...die, suspe...cting the others...to...be killers. You...would all....die, distrusting each other... And then....only, I, ...the Turtle would remain!"  
That speech took him 10 minutes in which the Rogues mentally prepared retaliation.  
"Firstly," Len started, "we´re not the only enemies of the Flash. There´s still Zoom, Grodd, that fairy- I´m not talking about you, Piper, put the flute down, and then about a dozen other villains."  
"Secondly, we were suspicious right from the start. Well, at first we thought it was some stupid time-sharing crap," Mark said, "but seriously - who would invite the Rogues to a fancy mansion on an island, completely cut off from transport or communication or help? We knew that someone was screwing with us."  
"Thirdly, if I may take the word," Professor Alchemy started, "I examined the first ...body. It was obviously fake and we only played along to humor you, suspecting surveillance devices. It only took us about an hour to figure out enough dead angles where we could meet and discuss."  
"But your biggest mistake," James said with his trademark grin, "was trying to make us think our pals would be murderers and coming after us. Seriously, Turtle, that was lame - even for you."


	68. Spaghetti Western

There was no doubt that Boomer was an expert at throwing boomerangs.  
He was an expert about Australian culture.  
He was an expert about alcoholic beverages around the world.  
But, he was also an expert of putting his foot in his mouth.

James (real name: Giovanni) was from Italy; Naples to be exact. He kept on grinning, no matter what you said. On the inside, he may be furious, but he was always calm on the outside.  
Except....when you were alone with him, his grin fell off his face and he glared.  
He fetched his yoyo and began to play with it.  
"You know what, Digger - you really shouldn´t have talked about spaghetti westerns this morning. I´ve been thinking all day of how to get back at you - and now I found the perfect way."

They found Digger five hours later, tied to a chair with a yoyo (it was blue and yellow, no question to whom it belonged). In front of him there was a TV. It showed "The Teletubbies" nonstop.

Better than every sensitivity course. Boomer never dared to speak ill of Italy or anything afilliated with it.


	69. Clue Hammer

Wally West was the Flash.  
He was the fastest man alive, a superhero and devoted boyfriend.  
Sadly, he was less than observant sometimes.

For example, he hadn´t known that his best pal Piper was gay until he had flat-out told him. Then he had had a rather shameful episode about running and acceptance, but he had managed to right everything.

Then Piper had joined the JLA, had become a proper hero. He had had a rough start, but he found some new friends and was settling in.

Wally hadn´t understood how Piper felt. Piper had been alone, insecure - he was the new kid, but it was 100 times worse. And Wally had never understood until someone very dear to Piper had paid him a visit.

It was the Trickster. Strangely, he wasn´t clad in glaringly bright colors or wore a mask - he looked rather normal (disregarding the fact that he still had pink dye all over his hair).  
"James, are you okay?" Wally had asked concerned.  
"I´m fine, but there is a matter I want to talk to you about."  
"Sure, what is-"  
Then he was attacked with a hammer. His superspeed slowed things down for him and he recognized that the potential threat was in fact made of rubber and probably couldn´t even harm a fly. However, there was a word written on it which distracted him and the Trickster actually managed to hit him.

"You thick moron! Just how stupid are you?"  
The hammer made a squeaky sound every time it hit his forehead.  
"Thick, thick, thick! You´re like...Thickety Thickface from Thicktown, Thickania..and so´s your dad!"  
"James, calm down, you´re not thinking clearly."  
"Oh no! I´m thinking clearly for the first time in months! And you will listen to me! What you are doing is not fair! Not fair to me, us and especially not fair to Piper!"  
"Piper? What does he have to do with that?"  
"Everything! You and your stupd justice jerks - you made a hero out of him!"  
It really sounded like an accusation. Wally felt like he was on trial for a crime he couldn´t help but thinking he did commit...kinda.  
"And now, he´s all the way up there, in this stupid space station, all alone! No one can hear you scream in space, remember?"  
*squeak*  
"He´s lonely, for god´s sake! He needs friends, but we cannot help him there. We would only make things worse. And you *squeak* have been less than helpful."  
"But he seems fine!" Wally protested, "he had had a rough start, but-"  
*squeak*  
"Piper can pretend. Piper can put on a mask, can be brave, for the world, even for you so that you don´t have to see him like this. But that doesn´t mean that he wants to or that he should have to do it!"  
"Soooo...he´s not happy?"  
*squeak squeak squeak* This was getting tiresome but the look in Trickster´s eyes made Wally refrain from fighting back.  
"Piper needs friends. But we. Can´t. Help. Him. Now! Do something!"

Trickster panted, exhausted from the long speech and repeatedly hitting Wally on the forehead.  
"I´m tired, Flash, so tired...just...promise me you´ll look after Piper, okay?" Trickster looked small and there was a seriousness in his face that Wally had never seen on him.  
Wally nodded.  
Trickster gave him a small grin that looked weary and incredibly sad.  
He turned to leave.  
"Thanks, James - um...how about I visit you the next days...we can throw some darts, if you want to...," Wally suggested.  
Trickster faced him and shook his head.  
"I´m not the one who needs you now."  
He was nearly out of the door when he spoke his final words.  
"By the way, the side of the hammer I hit you with has a stamp on it which I coated in permanent ink."

 

Wally walked up to Piper the next day and asked him for a serious talk.  
He was incredibly grateful that his costume covered his forehead which now labeled him as a "Giant Douche".


	70. Mittens

Finally, it was winter. And it was a proper winter!  
Keystone City was preparing itself for a white christmas and it clearly had every right to. Decorations, lights, christmas carols from everywhere - it was like a holiday postcard had come to life.  
The very joy of winter buzzed in the air and even the Rogues couldn´t help but feel festive. Although their state of mind was more influenced by eggnog than the season.  
In their sober moments, however, they thought about christmas. They thought about their loved ones, about family, friends - and at some point they all realized that except for Len and Lisa no one really had family they wanted to visit for the holidays. JJ was accustomed to having the large family of his circus around himself and so he felt it was only naturally if he brought all the Rogues together for christmas.  
And it was only naturally that he wouldn´t tell them that everyone had been invited.  
The whole evening was carefully planned so that the arrivals would not coincide and scare the Rogues off.  
He felt oddly like Gandalf sending the dwarves to Bilbo.  
Then, he also felt like Bilbo.

And yes, he felt like a dwarf. He was so a multi-facetted person, after all.

Of course he had presents for them. The good presents that did not blow up in your face or had a secret meaning.  
Mittens! Nice, thick, woolly mittens which he knitted himself.  
They all had different symbols on them: snowflakes, snowmen, candle, reindeer (he couldn´t explain why he had chosen to make those for Mark), jolly old Santa and more.  
He was definetely proud.

And when his friends arrived in various states of inebriation, they slung their arms around him, around each other, they sang and laughed, totally oblivious to the fact that the party for two had become a party for 10.

Best christmas ever!


	71. Compensation

The bright blue ball bounced against the wall, James caught it.  
The bright blue ball bounced against the wall, James caught it again.

"Can we do anything yet?" James asked whiningly.  
"What part of lay low didn´t you get, James?"  
"The boring-part and the it´s-driving-me-crazy-part... I wanna get out there! Have some action!"  
"We pissed Flashheart off something fierce! My god, you made him crash headfirst into a wall. He laughed it off, but he was pissed. He had to wear a bandaid on his forehead. You blemished his features. Flashheart will kill anyone who dares to mess with his appearance! Luckily for us, his brain capacity and his memory are somewhat limited and he´ll soon forget...but damn it, we have to be perfectly normal. At least for some time."

"I think he´s compensating for something."  
"James, he´s a superhero. They are all compensating for something. And especially this dimwitted adonis."  
"What did you call him?"  
"Nothing. Go play with your toys, James."


	72. Inconceivable

There were many words Piper would use to describe his friends.  
Tough, loud, often obnoxious, utter bastards... but also funny, loyal and just inconceivable.  
They would stick together til the very end, fight for each other and go through hell for each other.  
They´d be there if you really needed them: whether it was power and strength, when there was someone you needed to get beaten up, when you needed extra muscle; and whether it was emotional comfort.  
Don´t get Piper wrong, the Rogues weren´t the huggy-comfort kind. They wouldn´t cuddle you, they wouldn´t lend a shoulder to cry on and they wouldn´t talk you through a crisis.  
Instead they´d show up unannounced with a sixpack of beer, put on a game on TV and either sit in silence or curse the referee and the opposing team. That was the Len-technique.  
Mick would make coffee that was too hot and burn your lips, mouth and throat.  
Mark would subtly manipulate the weather or zap people to make you laugh.  
With Digger, booze would be the solution.  
Mirror distraction was the thing Sam did to cheer you up.  
James would just make you laugh, with acrobatics, puppets or his lack of fashion sense.

Piper curled up on his cot in Iron Heights. He´d give anything to hear Len insult the referee´s mother and her sexual orientation, or to drink scalding hot tea. He´d love to see the mayor Keystone distorted into ridiculous shapes, see a robber tap dance to avoid getting hit by lightning or just see that awful pants James always wore.  
But he was all alone now. And he´d never see them again.


	73. Ths is my own fault, really

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more roscoe blackadder

He was like a Greek demigod; he was handsome, strong, athletic, heroic and brave.  
He fought evil wherever he went, he was a defender of the defenseless, a virtuous man.  
And what a man he was!  
Women swooned at the mere sighr of him, his hair a golden halo glistening in the sun. His eyes hold a storm and infinite calm and a spark of humor.

 

To "Bob", he was the perfect man.  
Fast, strong and a little bit wild. He may not have scored a 100 in an IQ test, but he was cute. And that body of his - like a dream had had sex with perfection and their lovechild was Flashheart.

 

To Roscoe Blackadder he was a total jerk who had stolen his "Bob". He was a shallow, shiny thing that was admired for something he wasn´t really responsible for (he got superpowers for free! Others had to work hard to get anywhere in this damn business! Roscoe had to put a lot of effort into gadgets and had to use his mind. Flashheart was the brawns to his brain - and sadly it was superpowered brawns against brilliant, but surrounded by idiots, brains. How he hated him!  
And still he´d love to have a superpower himself. To be on top of those cattle called society! And what he wouldn´t give to have "Bob" at his side again....  
all he got was Roy Roy and Boomdrick and he would have gladly sacrificed either one (or both) happily in the most gruesome, satanic, sadistic way ever invented to get her back.

To Piper... he was a dimwitted adonis. That body...you had to stare, couldn´t look away and then you drooled because he was so damn handsome! His features were works of art and his body was sculpted by the gods. Piper felt slightly guilty about being physically attracted to Flashheart, but why did the man have to wear skintight spandex and yet wear his hair open so that it surrounded his head like a golden corona of light?

To James, Flashheart was no competition. He an idiot, cheap, shallow and he´d pay for making Piper thinking him attractive. That was all his fault...somehow.


	74. Outrageous

"Charge!" Aquaman yelled at lunged himself at the monster from outerspace. Batman was too busy evading a flailing tentacle to either belittle him for this unwise plan or just groan in frustration. He just hoped that the monster wouldn´t get too close to Arkham and - too late! With a big crash it hit the building and soon the inmates just poured out of the building. Most of them were unarmed and in straightjackets, but still, they were dangerous. And in immediate danger of getting squashed to death by a purple space octopus.  
"Outrageous! Criminals they may be, but save them we must! Have at thee!" Aquaman declared and ran over to the destroyed building.  
While Batman was figuring out a way to stop the monster, a small group of people ran towards the crowd of fleeing inmates instead of getting away from them as fast as possible.

"Rosc? Hey, Ros, you there?" James yelled. Just their luck - they were about to bust out Roscoe who had earned himself a stay at Arkham after his last bankrobbery and of course, now the asylum had to be attacked by an alien. Great.  
A man-sized tornado spun towards them.  
"Ros! How are you?"  
"I´m quite fine, thank you Samuel."  
"Dude, what were you doing in Arkham? You´re not crazy and no Gothamite!"  
"Alas, that was a clever plot of mine: you see, there was this-" They simultaneously dodged a tentacle which hit another wall.  
"Conspiracy going on there. I deemed it wise to listen."  
"And, Ros?"  
"I sabotaged it. That Joker freak is mental. As far as I´m concerned there is only one prankster of crime and he´s standing right in front of me."  
"Gee, I´m flattered, Roscoe-"  
Another tentacle dodge  
"-but I think we should get out. Seriously, alien menace attacking the city?"  
"Maybe," Piper said, "we should help. I mean, alien menace, what if it comes to Keystone?"  
They all pondered their lack of heroism and their territory issues, balanced them and said: "They have Aquaman. I say we bail. All in favor?"  
"Outrageous!"


	75. Marbles

They all knew that James had lost a few marbles. They weren´t sure when, but as soon as they saw the man in the polka-dotted-striped-patchwork suit that was painful to look at, they instinctively knew. The pink dye job in his hair certainly didn´t help his first impression. Nevertheless, he was friendly, funny and he was the nice kind of crazy. Not the paranoid way, not the psychotic serial killer way, just a bit odd.  
He loved cartoons, hand puppets and ice cream. He was a friend you could trust and depend on. And even if he had an unnatural affection to puns, cherry coke and ludicrous elaborate death traps that would never work? He was one of them and that was enough.


	76. Fright Knight

"Dammit, JJ, for the last time - it´s Fright NIGHT, not Fright Knight!"  
"Len, I don´t get it."  
"I´m fed up with your stupid jokes. The one time we actually have a themed death trap and you blow it! Night, not knight!"  
"Seriously...are you feeling okay, Len? You sound kinda ...agitated here."  
"Argh, listen you striped madman, it´s Night with an N! Not a K!"  
"But there is an N in night, Len..."  
With a frustrated yell, Len hung up and then ripped the phone cord out of its socket.

The next time they´d ask him to oversee their deathtrap, he´d blast the person nearest to him and run.

He just knew they were annyoing him on purpose.  
He needed a beer.

Meanwhile, JJ stared at the non-working phone.  
"I don´t get it."


	77. A game of you

"A game," the Flash said unbelievingly, "a. Game."  
He observed the rectangular slim box in his right hand while his left one was pressing the man formerly known as the Trickster against a wall.  
"I - gah - told you, completely harmless!"  
Barry´s eyes narrowed to slits. "Trickster, game and harmless are three words that are a rotten combination. I know you, Trickster. There is a secret behind this game and you will tell me what it is!"  
James made a gasping sound.  
"What?" Barry asked.  
"You´re crushing my windpipe."  
"Oh, force of habit, I guess."  
He released the Trickster who doubled over and wheezed for breath.  
"As...as I was trying to tell you before you suckerpunched me - god, that hurts - this is a video game. It´s not an yoyo that can bite you, no exploding jack, no tricks-in-a-box that hurls paint - it´s a CD. Round, shiny disk, completely harmless. Well, unless your last name is Harkness, then it is in fact dangerous, but since that man also used cream pies as weapons - aaaaanyway, I wasn´t even involved in the actual production. I was a consultant to the game design team."  
"Who in their right mind on earth would hire you for a legal job?"  
"Don´t insult me, many people do! Stunts effect guys, film crews, security firms, I held a lecture at an university once!"  
Barry stared at the babbling man in front of him.  
"Get to the point!" he growled.  
"Okay, okay, ...geeze, loosen up; nopleasedon´thitmeagain - the game is called Jester´s Journey, it´s about a court jester who has to rescue the kidnapped princess from the evil magician. A guy from the game firm knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy from a movie I once worked on as a special effects man. One thing lead to another and then they hired me - concept art based on me, outfit dynamics, physics, motion capturing - of course I didn´t give them my full potential, that would be silly and too revealing. Anyway, this is the demo version and I wanted to go home and play it before you ambushed me!"  
"I did not ambush you. While I could believe the game story, I don´t trust you. The game firm, the production and especially you will be under tight surveillance and subject to examinations. Knowing you, either the CD sets the computer on fire, wipes data, steals data or hacks into files. I will have an eye on you, Mister."

The Trickster pouted. "You suspect a threat ... behind a simple computer game. Really - either you´re paranoid or I´m really that good."  
Instead of admitting which option seemed the better one to him, Barry snatched the box.  
"Hey!"  
"Consider it confiscated. We will check that CD - every bit and byte on there. And if there´s something wrong with it - trust me, we will find it!"  
Then Barry sped away, leaving a disgruntled Trickster behind.  
After a little while the Trickster straightened and resumed walking.  
"So predictable - you think the CD is dangerous, the game is dangerous, the box is dangerous - maybe I hid mind control hypnosis inside the game. Or ....maybe I made your secret identity into an easter egg. Maybe I plan on cheating my way trough this game..."  
Or maybe he had just sent the Flash and hopefully a nice percentage of the JLA on a wild goose chase while the Rogues robbed Bill Gates.


	78. Does this cape make me look fat?

Paul Gambi liked to describe himself as a normal man, a legitimate businessman and an exceptionally gifted tailor.  
Keystone City´s creme de la creme of villainy was his best customer.

He had lost count of how many outfits he had sewn for them, how many times he had to patch up a costume, reinforce that seem, fix that zipper - yet he remembered the first time each of the Rogues ahd first come to him as if it happened just yesterday.

Shuffling, awkward movements, hands buried deep in the pockets that contained a pencil sketch of what they would liked as a costume; or a man wearing such an obvious disguise that even a neon sign proclaiming "masquerade" wouldn´t have made a difference; confident, wide steps and a fashion catalogue and a brief "something like that"; or ....yes, he smiled fondly, James´ first visit was worth a story.

On one perfectly normal day, the door bell rang and a man stepped inside the shop. He was tall, athletic and his clothes looked as if he had escaped a colorblind clown with a love for dress up.  
"Hi!" he greeted Gambi and inspected the display of clothes.  
"What can I do for you?" Gambi asked. He was polite, even if the pure sight of the man nearly made him laugh.  
"Yes, yes! I need a suit!"  
"Special occasion? Wedding, party-"  
"You *could* call it a party, yeah. I want it to be ...colorful!"  
"Colorful?"  
"Yes! And magnificent! And stripes, I want stripes! Or polka dots...no, stripes! Vertical...horizontal...diagonally----no, vertical! And a cape! Wait, no cape - yes, a cape! A long billowing cloak that would be so awesome when the wind comes and it would look like in the comics, only better! And it should be blue...no, black! Orange! ...Blue?" His thoughts were racing and he was babbling. To Gambi, he sounded oddly like a chattering bird. Only bigger and without wings.  
"Are you aware of whom you are talking to?" One could never be too cautious.  
Suddenly his demeanor changed. He stopped to articulate every word his his hands, stopped flailing, stopped the manic grin.  
"Oh, I know exactly who I am talking to," he said in a deeper, more serious voice, "I know you, Paul Gambi. And I know that you´re the best, otherwise I wouldn´t be here."  
Gambi smiled. He recognized a Rogue when he saw one, when he saw his true colors.  
"Did you bring a sketch or a image of what your special suit is supposed to look like."  
The man smiled and then slammed a big book on the counter. He flipped through the pages, stopped and then turned the book so that Gambi could see it. It showed a jester, clad in gold and blue with a small black cape, pointy shoes and the jester´s hat.  
"Like that....only without the hat. And shoes. But brighter, better and I want stripes!" he announded smiling.  
"Make me an offer I can´t refuse and we have ourselves a deal, Mister-"  
"Jesse. James Jesse."  
They shook hands and James´ smile brightened the room.


	79. Legends

Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away there lived the scarlet knight.  
He was just, brave and legend said that he wielded the fastest blade in all the kingdom.  
The Scarlet Knight had many foes;  
The warrior from the icy North, the fire mage, the wizard of storms, the piper, the trickster, the man in the mirrors and the man from down under.  
They were robbers, cunning and reckless.  
Their days were full of planning, stealing and ale.

On one day, the Scarlet Knight fought against the knight in the golden armor. They fought long and hard and in the end, vanished both!

The kingdom was without defenses and the enemies of the crown threatened to usurp it.  
And the only ones in their ways were the robbers.  
They fought with ice, fire, storm, with illusions, music and tricks and so much more.  
They were brave, just and never gave up, never gave in.

They earned their place among the legends of the town.

Until the scarlet knight came back and they went back to their life of robbery booze.  
And all was well.


	80. All for one and one for all

The Rogues didn´t have many rules (with being criminals and all that. No laws, no restrictions). But the fews that they did have were strict, unbendable and unbreakable.

Never kill a speedster  
Once a Rogue, always a Rogue  
No drugs  
Puns are good - in moderation  
Don´t give Boomer booze after 4am

And also, "all for one, and one for all".  
If one of them had a problem, all would pitch in.  
Whether it were mundane things like moving to a new house, painting one´s living room or christen the new barbecue grill one bought, or whether it were the big thinsg like studying adoption law for Mark, setting up the funeral for their fallen friends or searching the desert for Trickster´s body.

 

And "one for all" meant that Len would use the ice gun hidden under his fingernail to break every Rogue out of Iron Heights. Piper would stop an army of Black Lanterns with a flute to rescue the Rogues.  
And James would appear in a blaze of emerald flames with a staff stolen from hell to stop the Blackest Night once and for all.


	81. Uncle Lenny´s Bedtime Stories

Len usually was the last person that came to Mark´s mind when he had to think of a babysitter.  
First came Julie´s friends, her colleagues or the nice landlady.  
He had been reluctant about exposing his son to his friends, but his worries proved to be completely pointless.

James was great with kids - as he was himself nothing more than an oversized, immature kid himself. A kid that had access to every toy in the world and more mischief than one person should possess.

Piper was also a great babysitter, as he was also a great big brother.

Mick always treated Josh as if the baby were made of glass and was exra careful.

Although...Mark was kinda pissed at Sam for taking Josh to a wonderland behind the mirrors. It wasn´t the trip itself that bothered the Mardons, it was the fact that Sam forgot to take Josh´s coat with them. It hadn´t been cold at all (tropical island), but it was the sheer principle of the whole thing that counted.

Len however... Len was gruff, rough and usually had all the positive aura of a disgruntled polar bear. Nevertheless, Josh liked Uncle Lenny. He was also the only one who got away with calling Len that. James had tried that once and the 20 minutes he then spent as a human snowman was Len-speak for "Don´t do it again".  
What Josh really liked about Uncle Len was not the candy he always got to eat before dinner or the extra hour of a hockey game on TV when he was supposed to be in bed - it were the bedtime stories.

"Uncle Lenny, tell me a story!"  
"And what story do you want to hear, kiddo?"  
"Tell me about Brother Grimm!"  
"Once upon a time there was an evil man who called himself Brother Grimm. He was a giant douche, so me and Flashypants teamed up, I got superspeed and kicked his butt. The end."

"I wanna hear a story about the Turtle!"  
"The Turtle is a slow guy who is not nearly as cool as the Turtles on TV. He is an idiot, we often kick his butt. The end."

"Tell me about Zoom!"  
"Zoom is a spectacular, really big douche. Like Captain Twinkletoes, just douchier. The Rogues got together, kicked his butt. The end!"  
"I love you, Uncle Lenny."


	82. Panic in the disco

Piper was furious.  
Just one day, one day he had wanted to himself.  
One day without trouble, work, responsibility, but apparently that was too much to ask from the universe.

Most people went to discos for music, fun, dancing, meeting people or binge drinking.  
Very few people used it for mass hypnotism via music.

The Music Meister had decided that Gotham was a difficult place to live as a supervillain and had paid Keystone a visit.

He was so damn lucky that the speedsters were on a mission in outerspace, so damn lucky.  
The local criminals, aka the Rogues were currently occupied with Riverdance. While Piper couldn´t help but to objectifically admire that performance, he was furious that someone forced his friends to do things against their will.  
Luckily, his implants kept him out of the Music Meister´s control.  
If only he had brought a sonic weapon or one of his flutes with him... but no, he wanted to dance, just for one stupid day.  
How was he going to defeat Music Meister without his weapons? He would have to improvise.

"Near, faaaaar, where~~~~ver you are, I believe that the HART does go o~~~~~~n. Once mooooore, you ooopen the door, and you´re here oh my HART, and my HART will go on."

Wait...was that really James? But...of course! The Rogues couldn´t control most of what they were doing, but their minds and surprisingly mouths were free...as long as it was in song...they were giving him clues! They knew that he was here to save them (and the city, of course).

"Downtown's been caught by the hysteria, people scream and shout, a population's on the move, when panic spreads like bacteria!" Sam - and crying at the discotheque? Well, it fit somehow...  
so, no going downtown and watch out for the people on the street. Okay, but where could he find a weapon?

Oh-oh...  
"Sing once again with my, our strange dueeeeeet. My power over you, grows stronget yeeeeeeet. And though you turn from me to glance behiiiiiind, the Muuuuuuuuusic Meister is already theeeeeeere, insiiiiiide your mind!"  
Oh shit. Music Meister has seen him. Time to get running. It was a very bizarr sight - one man on the run followed by a line of involuntary riverdance dancers and one guy on a blatt-boke-thing.

But Music Meister had given him an idea - the opera! Opera equals music equals instrument equals hello Pied Piper, Goodbye Music Meister!

He ran and managed to dodge the people on the street who were trying to grab him. He finally reached the opera, got inside and then he saw a lot of instruments who had been abandoned in mid-performance. Perfect!  
He grabbed the nearest flute, announced that "It´s time to pay the Piper!" and started playing. Piper soon reached notes so high that not only glass, but also Music Meister´s staff shattered. Then he beat him over the head with the borrowed flute and Music Meister went k.o.

As Music Meister lay defeated on the ground, the Rogues couldn´t help but to give him a kick each.  
"Lord of the dance my ass!" Len shouted.


	83. Only one man would dare to give me the raspberry...TRICKSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! - 1

As Dark Flashmet was summoned by the technician who complained about something interfering with their communication systems, he instantly knew that it was going to be one of those days.

He stared at a blank monitor, didn´t listen to the man´s futile attempts at describing the situation and then he saw how reddish-pink goo trickled slowly across the screen.  
Against better knowledge he hoped it wouldn´t be ...

"TRICKSTEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"


	84. Only one man would dare to give me the raspberry...TRICKSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! - 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now with more Digger the deadly

As Dark Flashmet was summoned by the technician who complained about something interfering with their communication systems, he instantly knew that it was going to be one of those days.

He stared at a blank monitor, didn´t listen to the man´s futile attempts at describing the situation and then he saw how reddish-pink goo trickled slowly across the screen.  
Against better knowledge he hoped it wouldn´t be ...  
"Raspberry! Only one man would dare to give me the raspberry...Digger the Deadly!"

"Ya-harr!" hollered the space pirate known as Digger the Deadly! "Rest assured, mateys, we will rescue our friends in no time from the clutches of the evil Dark Flashmet!"  
As the Rogues prepared for boarding the enemy ship, Mark turned to Len.  
"Hows does firing a jar of jam actually jam someone´s communication systems? It makes no sense!"  
"You´re still looking for sense?" Len replied, "I chucked my logical mind out of the spaceport as soon as I saw a Digger smart enough to steer a spaceship."

"Why did this Flashment want to capture James in the first place, anyway?" Sam asked. "I think I heard him saying something about dolls," Piper said, "but I can´t honestly imagine why a captain of a starship would want with dolls..."


	85. I won´t say I´m in love

"No!" Piper protested, "It´s not like that!"  
"So, you haven´t made all lovey-dovey eyes at Tricksy, eh?" Sam asked with a wide grin on his face.  
"Well..."  
"Fer christ´s sake - just man up, you wuss, and confess already!" Boomer hollered, "All that pretendin´and shit won´t help nobody, at least you and blondy."  
"Boomer, I had ..." Piper sputtered. If even Boomer a) saw it and b) supported it... oh hell, who was he kidding?  
He had fallen for a certain blond, blue-eyed aerial artist turned Rogue and while said Rogue boated to be one of the best conman alive - that was something he didn´t see.

Trickster was smart, but when it came to affairs of the heart, he was as clueless as a bull with a piano.

"Maybe I should-"  
"Kiss him already!" Mark said.  
Oh well, if he couldn´t trust his instincts and fellow Rogues, whom could he trust?  
"James, there´s something I wanted to tell you..."


	86. Croquette

Len gritted his teeth and was trying to will people to an instant, painful death. Needless to say, it didn´t work.  
It was supposed to be a party dammit!  
A good party included booze, women, booze, food and some game on TV.  
What it did not include was baby sisters, French cuisine and conversation about art.

He loved Lisa, he was glad she was here, but where Lisa went, Roscoe was never far away and that jerk had invited himself with the justification that only his and Lisa´s presence would bring a bit of culture into their cavemen fun activities.  
Oh, how he wished he hadn´t promised Lisa on her birthday to leave Roscoe alone for two weeks, how he wished he had said ten days or maybe a week... but he had made a promise and Captain Cold kept his promises.

But Len found solace in the fact that he wasn´t the only one who apparently enjoyed "cavemen fun activities"; Mark kept glancing at the TV and tried to imagine a football game. Mick looked at his watch far too often to be subtle about it, and Trickster had begung to build stuff out of his french fries. It was like a card house and it was already three foot high.  
Roscoe was too busy to talk with Roy about some snotty aristocrat Bulgarian painter to notice that he bored everyone at the table, including Lisa.  
He felt ridiculously proud that his sister and he himself still were alike in many things; same taste in beer, mosly same taste in fun and an undying love for ice cream.

"Mon dieu, Trickster, you brightly colored cretin, what are you doing with the croquettes?"  
"The what?"  
"Your food! Sacrebleu, don´t you have any cultural taste at all?!"  
James tilted his head to the side and examined his french frie cardhouse which he had decorated with ketchup.  
"You know, Ros, art and culture aren´t defined by elitist rules and stuff that was good 200 years ago. Art is alive, fluid and creative," Piper intervened.  
"You ... you cavemen!" Roy yelled, "how dare you defile art with your, your..."  
"French Frie Frenzy?" James supplied.  
"That´s it! I challenge you to a -"  
"FOODFIGHT!" Mark yelled and threw a deepfried chicken wing at Roy.  
A dam was broken and soon they were covered in food, condiments and beer.

Len grabbed the bowl of ice cream and hid underneath the table.  
Lisa joined him with two spoons.  
Sure, Len loved his crazy Rogues family, but sometmes, you just have to get away from cutural discussions, croquettes and a foodfight to share a bowl of icecream with your baby sister.


	87. Matched Set

Three days after the resurrection of the Trickster, he and Piper arrived at Wally´s doorestp with a matching set of black eyes and split lips.  
"Wally, could you please pleeeeease tell your uncle to stop hitting us? I´m sure it´s nearly a reflex reaction now, but we haven´t committed any crimes in the last few years. Except maybe crimes against fashion, but that isn´t exactly his resort anyway," Trickster said,  
"Because if you don´t stop him, we will - and that will not go well on our karma, if you catch my drift. Tell your uncle I have an anvil with his name on it if he doesn´t cut it out and I´m not afraid to use it."  
Wally nodded dumbfounded.  
"Thank you," Piper said, "I´d hate to break my abstinence from crime, but for Barry Allen, I´d do it happily and make him dance a jig on top of a skyscraper. Naked."

As the two limped away, hanging onto each other for support, Wally wondered when exactly he had started to sympathize more with his Rogues Gallery than his childhood hero.


	88. Impudent Trickster!

"Impudent Trickster! You dare to strike the ruler of Hell-"  
*whack* *squeeeeak*  
Neron hated the Trickster with every fiber of his being. He hated the unnerving smile, the brightness, the wit, the big heart and the complete lack of sense.  
Every other being would have done something different: either cower in fear, try to reason, talk back, but Trickster was the only one in the whole of creation who would dare to hit him with a rubber hammer. With a rubber hammer that squeaked when it hit something.  
"You dare to strike-"  
*whack* *squeak*  
"CUT IT OUT!"


	89. Coin Toss

It´s funny how fate works.  
It´s nothing like that "everything happens for a reason" stuff or "God works in mysterious ways" stuff, but ... sometimes, the Trickster feels like fate is out to get him.  
But he also knows, despite all his pride and belief that he is one of the most awesome beings under the sun, it´s not all about him.  
Fate is also out to get other people, and you know what they say; the higher they are, the further they fall.  
Strangely, fate came in the form of his best friend who had come to make a deal with Neron.

 

And, Neron had learned two things from dealing with Trickster and his associates:  
1) Messing around with true love never works well for him, and  
2) he can´t get his hands on a good soul wilingly offered.  
So, the Piper wants Trickster back. But, Neron can´t take his soul and making such a deal involves true love and that also doesn´t work for him.  
So, he suggests a "all or nothing" deal: he´ll flip a coin; Piper wins, he gets Trickster back; Piper loses, he forfeits his soul as well.  
Since it´s not specifically a deal about Trickster and more Piper´s soul, it´s not affected by the true-love-angle. As they say, the devil is in the details - and Neron is good with details and loopholes.  
He shows the coin to the bard: one side is golden and shiny, one is ink-black and seems to devour the light instead of reflecting it.  
"Choose," he says to Piper.

Trickster has second thoughts, yells at Piper not to make ths deal, that he´s not worth it, that Piper should be safe and Neron is annoyed how that true love is shining throuhg and giving him a headache.  
Piper says he´ll take the black side. Huh, go figure.

Neron tosses the coin.  
As it spins in the air, reaches the highest point of the arc, Piper darts forward and knees him Neron the groin and tells Trickster to run. As Neron howlsin pain, Piper summons a boom tube to getn them out of there.  
"Dealing with devils? I´m not that stupid, JJ," he explains his actions and Trickster grins, grabs Piper´s hand and together they vanish in golden light and a booming sound.  
The coin drops in Neron´s field of sight.  
Black side up.

Damn!


	90. Classic

"It´s a classic, Piper, trust me!"  
Piper regarded the man in front of him suspiciously.

The words "Trust me" somehow always sounded like "really rotten idea" to Piper whenever James said them.  
They were usually followed by embarassemnt, pain or utter humiliation.

"Of course I didn´t spike your drink, trust me."  
"Trust me, that bank basically robs itself"  
"He´s sleeping, trust me, he´s not gonna wake up soon. Do it."

He was getting his defenses ready as James looked at him with puppy eyes.  
It was just not fair, dammit!

"Ok, but that´s the last time I´m baking a cake that has an iron rasp hidden inside."  
He really hated prison escape plans.


	91. Leather

The man known as the Trickster couldn´t resist a cat-call as he saw the woman come down the stairs.  
Skin tight leather, motorcycle helmet under her arm, a mane of black curls - she was the embodiment of perfect.  
Thens he slapped him, and that HURT, then she made a snarky/flirtatious remark and went to her bike.  
As his face tingled from the slap and her gaze bore into his eyes... he knew he was in love.  
What a woman!


	92. Night Watch

Sam Vine didn´t know if he loved or hated his job. His gut told him that he couldn´t ever be anything else but a guard in the night watch, but... well, he hated himself, especially when he had to deal with the seedy underworld of Ankh-Morpork.

And especially the new man who called himself "the Trickster". He wore clothes that looked like he stole them from the Guild of Fools and Joculators and College of Clowns - and no one wanted to wear these voluntarily, not even the guild members.  
And then his partner, the man with the rats...  
He had heard the story from a piper who controls rats with a flute far too often and he just knew that it was just a scam by a cat, but this guy... if he wasn´t too skinny for a wizard, Sam would have believed that he was facing a new member of the university. Also, he lacked the pointy hat so he couldn´t be a wizard, ever - even if that flute thing seemed like magick.

The Trickster could lie through his teeth, he´d steal, rob and laugh, but the worst part was that he got through with it because people wanted him to believe.  
Sam was powerless against faith (and that much stupidity), but that didn´t stop him from telling Angua to go after the two men.

Meanwhile, the giant turtle know as A´Tuin sailed through the multiverse.  
Several weeks ago there had been a big boom and the turtle had got startled (resulting in earthquakes, a new flavor between nougat and chocolate, a flood and XXXX gaining even more terror incognita).

Angua was confused. She had seen the men run in that alley, had smelled them (then thanks to anis bomb she couldn´t smell anything) - but they weren´t there!  
They had to be there!  
Ten feet above her had James sneaked quietly through the air, Piper clinging to his back.  
They had gotten rid of the cuffs, of their followers and apparently, James´powers of conning people and persuading them had turned into a faith-powered god-like power.

This world may have been flat, but James loved it!


	93. You're despicable!

"You´re dethpicable!" Piper hollered.  
God, he had enough complexes about hearing and his speech, he didn´t need to add another one, even if that one had been caused by spontaneous transformation into a black duck.  
Len and Mick looked over the where the anvil had barely missed Piper´s enormous duck feet.  
Mick was still bald, also had a speech problem but at least he was still human...and he had a gun. Len sported a cowboy hat and an enormous moustache, but he was nonchalant about it all.  
After discovering that Mark had turned into a flirtatious skunk, he had been abandoned very, very quickly. Digger´s transformation into a tiny, fluffy bird had been very, very funny until they had discovered that he could do karate and fly. Then they had run very, very far away.

Piper had fully expected to see James as a coyote (which of course was a Trickster animal) but he had faced a bunny instead. A big bunny with ridiculously large airwalkers.

"What´s up, Pipes? Sorry ´bout that anvil, wasn´t aiming for you," he said.

A red lightinig passed by followed by a coyote who had strapped himself to a rocket.  
"So that´s where Wally has been," Digger said in a high-pitched voice.  
They all winced in sympathy as the coyote crashed into a solid canyon wall on which the roadrunner had painted a black hole that mimicked a tunnel.

James smiled, reached into his pocket ("Bunnies don´t have pockets!" Piper´s logical part of his mind protested") and pulled out a whole piano ("It´s physically impossible to fit a piano into a pocket....which doesn´t even exists!).  
"Oh A~xel," James singy-songed, "what is black and white and gets you black and blue all over?"

They heard a marvelously melodious crash, saw a sign that said "Ouch" and laughed.

"That´s all, folks!" Porky Sam said.


	94. Mentor

"What the fuck you doing ,man?!"  
"I thought you wanted me to be your mentor," James replied, "so pay attention."  
"Yeah, but....I don´t know man, isn´t this kinda.....queer?"  
With his shirt in one hand, James turned towards Axel.  
"It´s just ironing. Calm down. Your clothes reek, to be frank. Doing laundry once in a while won´t kill you."


	95. Pest Control

"Please, Piper, we didn´t mean it! Seriously!" Mick pleaded who had fled onto a table and hoped against better knowledge that the rats wouldn´t find him up there.  
"This isn´t funny anymore!" Len piped in who sat on a cupboard and prayed that rats wouldn´t be able to climb.  
As soon as the first furry little body had shown up in the living room, Mark had screamed like a little girl and had flown through the nearest window. They had all cursed him for abandoning them with an enraged Piper and his rat army, but secretly they had all wished that they could follow him in the same way.  
Digger was swarmed by a living carpet made of fur and teeth. Luckily he had passed out about 10 minutes before the rats had even gotten here.  
James clung onto the lamp on the ceiling.  
"Please - we didn´t mean it when we said that Mozart sucked!"

It didn´t help them that they were talking about the movie and not the actual composer, but Piper was beyond reason at this point. Nobody insulted Mozart when he was in earshot. And he had superhearing, so yeah...they were royally screwed.


	96. Flash - The Movie

"Flash: The movie! Yeah, guy gets hit by lightning, doesn´t die like he´s supposed to, gets the superpowers of speed and pain-in-the-ass. He fights, he runs, smashes into stuff and we so kicked his butt. The end."

"Leonard Tiberius Snart, that was the worst night time story ever told to any child on earth."  
"Josh likes it, don´t you Josh?"  
"I love them Uncle Len!"  
"See?"  
..."Stop being so damn smug about it!"

"Uncle Len, I want to hear the story about Libra!"  
"Okay: He was a giant douche and we kicked his butt to the next dimension. The end."  
"I love you uncle Len."

Whenever Len visited the Mardon family, three things were certain. He´d drink all their beer, he´d tell Josh exactly that kind of night time stories and little Josh would always fall alseep soon and would dream of stories about heroes, his dad, Uncle Len and how much they all kicked butt.  
The End.


	97. Double Team

"TRICKSTEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!"  
"Turn it down, Mark, the guards are going to hear us!" Mick whispered.  
"I don´t care! That damn double teaming bastard son of a-"  
"Quiet!" Len commanded.

While Mick, Mark and Len bickered in the exhibition about ancient Greek pottery, James and Piper were crawling through the ventilation shafts towards the Viking exhibition.  
"Why the vikings, James? Can´t we go to the Aztec wing? They have gold, James, real gold. Why do you want to steal from Vikings?"  
"Because a) Vikings are cool and b) because Len wants to steal stuff from there. After his behavior from last week however," they remembered drunken shenanigans which turned into a brawl which ended with the two of them in the hospital with concussions, "I´m so ruining his future heists for the next month. Revenge is a dish best served to Cold, anyway!"


End file.
